Last night in London, famous athletes (and a few actors and models) attended the Laureus World Sports Awards and for some reason, nearly everyone wore black, making it one of the more depressing red carpets we've seen in a while.

Despite the fact that they're mostly boring and that one of them is a dreaded bandage dress, these were the best of the sea of black gowns: Bar Refaeli, Tamara Ecclestone, Thandie Newton.

Denise Lewis is wearing the mullet of dresses. Dame Kelly Holmes is inexplicably working a dorsal fin. And Petra Kvitova is like a mirror during Shiva.

Georgie Thompson's look could've been saved were it not for that belt that somehow makes her look so much shorter. Monica Seles' shoes are more confusing than that time she got stabbed by the crazed Steffi Graf fan. But holy shit, if anyone has explaining to do, it's Martina Navratilova for that sequined bustier she's wearing over a dress shirt that she's paired with genie pants.

Nastassja Kinski is what it looks like when a closet has an emotional meltdown.

Not Melania Trump, Not Megan Mullally, and Not Lisa Marie and their respective dates all look a mess.

Uschi Glas was a rare moment of elegance on the red carpet. Meanwhile skater Taig Khris' date was going for a Bardot look (I think?) but the rickrack sequins killed it. And what's the deal with Luke Wilson showing up to a black tie event as though he's going to a job interview? Well, maybe he was going to a job interview. It's been a while since I've seen him in anything other than an AT&T commercial.

The few women who did wear bright colors (a footballer's wife, a tennis player's girlfriend, and a race jockey's date) incidentally looked the best.

And lastly, there's Katarina Witt who wears her heart rip on her sleeve.