She hasn't even popped her baby out yet but Jessica Simpson is clearly in need of a fat intervention according to Weight Watchers – who have offered her $3 million if she promises to start dieting the second it crowns. The move ensuring that new moms around the country will learn how becoming an immediate MILF is far more important than, you know, dealing with a screeching, breakable infant. "The deal is in place, and after having her baby, she'll start with Weight Watchers to lose her baby weight," said a source. [TMZ]

While most non-drug lords tend to avoid carrying around passports and $10,000 in cash just in case, Lindsay Lohan is clearly not most people – losing a $5,000 Chanel purse containing said passport, important probation documents and the chunk of change on her way to a house party in Hawaii. Though she eventually got the bag and documents back sans the money, the audio of her sounding like Nancy Drew after 500 cigarettes and a bottle of Jack – not to mention pointing the finger at untrustworthy "locals" – adds a nice touch to her latest ridiculous scandal. [TMZ]

She got kind of weird when she was sprung working at a shoe store back in July, but Nikki Blonsky seems to be pretty happy tending to the ladies of Superstar Hairstylists in Great Neck, New York where she's now employed as a cosmetologist – seen here with her first customer, Rosa. Though she's not giving up acting for good, word on the salon floor is that she's sweeping hair while waiting for her second big break. "I asked her if she was still acting and she said that she is auditioning a lot," said customer Sally Miles. "But she needs a day job too." And that, my friends, is how you get through this story without a Hairspray joke. [Radar]

We were frothing at the news of a Kristen Wiig/Fabrizio Moretti tryst when talk of their tongue affair surfaced, but that was soon followed by the question: hasn't she been with some guy forever? Well, it may come as a surprise but relationships do end and word on the interwebs is that she split from boyfriend – who she first met 22-years ago – Brian Petsos due to one of those my-girlfriend-got-too-successful-and-I-couldn't-cope deals. [NYDN]

Rather than put out an immediate press release, Tyra Banks has acted like a normal person and gone underground after splitting from her boyfriend of three years, John Utendahl — well, jetting off to Bali is kind of the same as sticking to the couch and watching Sex And The City reruns. "Tyra has gone away with a female friend and has been island-hopping, visiting Bali and taking a spiritual retreat," said a source. [Contact Music]

  • Judd Apatow isn't renown for his female-centric comedy so it's just as well that the awesome Lena Dunham is actually the creator and writer of new series Girls and he's just executive producer. [Pedestrian]
  • Chris Martin paid it forward if you will, saying that Lady Gaga is actually a better songwriter than him. We'd say she's also got the whole stage costume thing nailed as well. [The Sun]
  • The rebound guy Kate Winslet was knocking boots with after splitting from her husband is packing a sad about her shabby treatment of him. [International Business Times]
  • Ashton Kutcher has finally put the bullet in Lea Michele's embarrassingly naked bid for his affection by turning down an offer to spend New Year's Eve with her family, rather than graciously accepting before backing out via text like normal people. [NYDN]
  • Hulk Hogan seems more upset that ex-wife Linda said he's gay than the fact he was abusive towards her. [US]
  • We told you how Charlie Sheen accidentally published his phone number on Twitter last week, but we only just found out he received 1,800 texts in a few minutes and answered a few of the calls with "Winning." Which is kind of awesome. [Page Six]
  • Chris Noth refused a request for a fan photo while drinking with a buddy. Meh, no great shakes. What's more interesting is that Page Six rang his people for comment. Did they expect a juicy headline out of that call? "Oh, I'm glad you called, Page Six. Yes, that's correct. You also might want to mention that his love of rejecting fans is eclipsed only by his love for kicking puppies." [Page Six]
  • The headline "Arnold Schwarzenegger ‘Does It All' In Big Movie Comeback" is pretty misleading. [E!]
  • She plays a hard-drinking wreck in Young Adult, but Charlize Theron skipped the New York premiere after-party in favor of a little shut-eye. [Page Six]
  • Sure, I want to know where the Beverly Hills alums are now, but let us be the judge of where they should be. [Vulture]
  • Good news: the trailer for the second season of Game Of Thrones has been released. Bad news: it's not airing until April. [E!]
  • While we can all agree that Lamar Odom being traded to the Dallas Mavericks is truly tragic, Khloe Kardashian is trying to stay positive. [US]
  • Want to know what $25,000-a-month will get you on the rental market? Ask Britney Spears. [Daily Mail]
  • We're all a little happier now that Jersey Shore's Angelina Pivarnick is being sued over that Staten Island mall fight, mainly for the mental image material it continues to bring us. [TMZ]
  • Brooke Mueller says, "Oh, why not?" when it comes to suggestions that she might benefit from going back to rehab for the six thousandth time. [TMZ]