The 2012 Pirelli calendar was unveiled last night in New York. To celebrate an Italian tire company's annual celebration of naked, impossibly beautiful, famous people, a black tie dinner was held, and the glitterati were invited. Most of the guests opted for dramatic, sleek gowns in bold colors, which—surprise, surprise—looks great on impossibly beautiful famous people.

It's not easy getting dressed for an event that you know will be attended by twenty-something models, but Julianne Moore did it with aplomb. Yes, her dress looks a little fussy and a lot lopsided, and her shoes are perplexing, but all that aside, she looks comfortable and glamorous. The black velvet gives her dress a vampy feel, and the white silk softens the overall look. The little bone cuffs on her wrists are a nice touch.

That is one stunningly draped gown on model Joan Smalls. It has so much movement and hangs beautifully on her frame. The side fishtail braid was a smart move, and so were the chandelier earrings and blinged out bangle. When you wear a dress like that to a dinner, do you just accept that it's going to get stained at some point? Or do you only eat things that can be consumed with a straw?

Model Margareth Madè went simple in a strapless black dress. She did well to accessorize her dress with a glittery clutch and gold shoes. Model Jessica Hart looks a little bit like an 80's prom date in her red velvet dress with puffy sleeves and a gathered bust. Socialite Laura Remington Platt went bold and minimalist in her hot pink, long-sleeved gown with an even longer side-slit. She completed the look with a simple black belt and triple-strap stilettos. 'Twas perfect.

Photographer extraordinaire Ellen Von Unwerth covered up in a gunmetal pantsuit, but still managed to look sexier than Rinko Kikuchi's ass cheek-baring, sheer number. Rinko's outfit has all the conventional trappings of "sexiness," but it turns out when you pair a smokey eye with seamed tights with a sheer dress with a furry bag, you just end up looking a little... deranged?

Whoa. Natasha Poly's dress is one nose hair away from trying too hard. The black lace creeping down the middle could be interpreted as either interesting or ugly — or both. I also kind of like the way her sleeves look like really long cabaret gloves. Isabeli Fontana and Zani Gugelmann are all monochromatic and sparkly, but damn, that one sparkly color is exquisite. I especially adore Isabeli's dress with its keyhole neckline, fitted waist, and floaty layers. Also, I applaud the choice to wear "nude" colors to an event celebrating nudie photos. Surely that was intentional! (Fat chance.)

Julian Schnabel looks only moderately sleazy next to Rula Jebreal, whose Grecian gown has a fun touch of Leather Daddy. Speaking of Leather Daddies, Tom Sachs really resembles Tobias Fünke. Next to him, Sarah Hoover is chic in her gray dress, but I don't get the cuff. Stella Schnabel, meanwhile, is wearing a mesh maxi dress over a nude slip. I can't say it's to my personal tastes, or that it's elegant or even flattering, but at least it's interesting and she's basically wearing the crap out of it. Confidence is everything. Maxwell Snow looks like a bad boy who cleaned up his act for one night. This is hot.

Genevieve Jones is dressed like a shy schoolgirl whose parents are loaded. The texture of her lace shirt works surprisingly well against the texture of her skirt, which looks slightly tortured. Unfortunately, the texture of Julie Macklowe's leather bustier does not work well with her Bodhisattva Goddess dress. Also, I can't be the only one who has a pet peeve about unzipped boots, can I? Stefano Tonchi, editor of W, shows us that Italians really know how to rock a suit. The unidentified lady next to him is similarly rocking her simple cut-out frock.

And now, we arrive at the inevitable roundup of black dresses. Amy Sacco's dress is not a bad dress, but it's poorly fitted on her. I also don't think that a black sheath dress calls for a muppet-hair necklace. Alice St. Clair Erskine's dress and booties look like thrift store purchases made by someone who doesn't know how to find the good stuff. Lisa Anastos' dress is nothing to write home about, but again, like Stella Schnabel's mesh bodycon dress, it's all about one's swagger.