Er, blue carpet. Whatever. Anyhow: UNICEF held their annual Snowflake Ball last night in New York. For the most part, the ball gowns were either glitzy or safe, with a few standouts and a few WTFs.

Uma, you are one tall and impressive drink of water, but did you have to go and wear low wedge sandals with all of that strappy business at the ankle with such a fabulous dress? Dude, it is December and you are going to the SNOWFLAKE ball. THERE ARE NO SANDALS AT A SNOWFLAKE BALL! Anyway, the dress is fantastic. Teal is totally your color and your dress or your bra is doing what it should: giving your girls some lift without suffocating the life out of them. Meanwhile, Zoe Kravitz is the weird, little fashion imp I so desperately want to be friends with. I have a total fashion boner for her heavy, structured top with the weird princess, puff sleeves and the half mandarin collar paired with a black, floor-length muppet skirt.

Angie Harmon isn't exactly exhibiting mindblowing, original style with this dress, but she has successfully reminded everyone that she's one bitchin' babe.

Okay, yesterday I ragged on Vera Farmiga for her poor showing on the red carpet, but today, I take it all back because the girl looked MEGA FINE last night. There is so much to praise about Vera's dress—the heaviness and the drape of her beaded top, the strong shoulders, the perfectly matched belt, the subtle fishtail shape of her skirt, and the artfully placed ruffles that look even better from the side. Great accessories, too. The whole look feels luxe without seeming showy, and womanly without being too old.

So Natasha Bedingfield performed at this even whilst sporting a peasant blouse and tuxedo pants. No. Adrien Brody did all black, which is normally a pretty severe and classic look, but why do I still find him sleazy-looking? The hem on Gayle King's dress is truly atrocious and boob-ruching is never a good idea, IMHO.

Eek, a Jonas Brother showed up. I'm having a hard time swallowing the idea that this dude is or was a teenage heartthrob. If I'm trying to be nice, I guess his wife's red dress is inoffensive. Or I could fuck niceness, and say she looks hella tacky (quite the accomplishment, given that the dress is really quite bland). Designer Naeem Khan and his wife, Ranjana Khan, on the other hand, look magnificent. I'm a big fan of his Buddy Holly glasses with his classic tux, and I love that she's essentially wearing a sheer, fringed caftan wrapped exquisitely around her body. Somehow a feathered turtleneck halter belly top is also involved. Perhaps against my better judgment, I don't find any of this the least bit over the top. Mark Ruffalo and his lady, Sunrise Coigney, look stunning as well. Mark's in a classic tux, and Sunrise chose a simple, beautifully draped black gown.

OKAY, WE GET IT. YOU ARE SUPER WEALTHY AND WEAR FUR STOLES WITH PRINCESS GOWNS TO A CHARITY EVENT FOR CHILDREN AROUND THE WORLD. From left to right: Alicia Bythewood is in faux-royal froth, Alexandra Lebenthal looks like a Rockette in formal wear, and as for sisters Alexandra and Claudia Lebenthal? Too tight and stiff, and needs to be pulled up four inches and given a proper steaming, respectively. Sorry, socialites.

Christian Hearst Simonds reminds me, in a pleasurable way, of Harry Crane on Mad Men before he got all LA fashion plate on us, and his wife Gillian is looking very Emma Woodhouse in her ringlets and pretty blue gown with cap sleeves. Man, it must be hard for NBA player Dikembe Mutombo to find a suit that fits—or just clothes in general, I'd imagine. His wife, Rose Mutombo, looks good in emerald, but I think her dress would look more pulled together if it weren't so blousy on top.The lapels on Swedish chef Marcus Samuelson's jacket bug me, but I like that he went for an unusually colored bowtie. His model wife, Maya, went for a boring strapless dress with a semi-puzzling print and a semi-ugly neckline. At least it looks snowflake-y.