They've been having some pretty serious relationship issues recently and are approaching Leonardo DiCaprio/Bar Refaeli territory in their on/offedness, so the timing is clearly right for Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel to tie the knot – but only if she, you know, threatens him. "Justin thinks marriage would hurt his career, but if Jessica threatened to leave, he'd do it," says a friend who thinks highly of their relationship. How romantic! [US]

Jagged Little Pill was a pre-emo opus, and Alanis Morissette says her tendency towards feeling things deeply also manifested in a string of food and self-esteem issues. "My fraught relationship with food and fat has always been a cloaked invitation into a more profound kindness to myself (one I have so often ignored)," she wrote on her blog. "Being kind toward my fragility in the face of a monolithic message of perfectionism and intolerance has not been an easy path - nor, I'm ashamed to say, a consistent one. Writing about it helps." [iVillage]

Okay, this one is pretty good and certainly made my morning: Kanye West quoted Friedrich Nietzsche in an attempt to convince the courts to uphold the dismissal of a claim he stole "Stronger" from another songwriter. "All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth." I'm going to pull that one out every time someone catches me passing off a line from an old-timey movie as my own. [Billboard]

Their reunion story has all of the elements of a Melrose Place plot line but lacks that certain dramatic something. Though perhaps it's for the best that no one drowned in a pool or was blown up in an apartment bomb when Jack Wagner revealed he has a 23-year-old long lost daughter – it is Thanksgiving after all. Introducing her on stage, guitar in hand (really?), the crowd went suitably nuts when he discussed how he has a lot to be thankful for and is excited to start their new life together. [E!]

Those of us who got tattoos during our teen years normally don't want to prove our parents right by growing up to hate them, so Miley Cyrus has cut to the chase and is getting one — or some — of her nine tatts removed while she is still in her teens. Will it be that deliciously trashy dreamcatcher one? The words "karma" or "love"? The peace sign, the cross? She really has a lot to choose from. [Hollywood Life]

Justin Bieber's maybe-mama Mariah Yeater says she wants him to take another DNA test with her in the room, just in case those pesky lab technicians are diehard Beliebers and intentionally mess it up. That or maybe so she can switch samples like in some awesome screwball '80s comedy. Hijinks! [NYDN]
Justin boasted how his work had taken him to "every continent" but failed to get half of said continents right. [The Sun]

Poor old Natalie Wood discussed how terrified she was of open water a few years before her drowning death. "I had a mean director one time who threw me in the ocean," she said. "I was terrified. I was petrified, because we were in the open ocean. It was a picture with Bette Davis, as a matter of fact, and when she found out, she refused to work until they got a double for me because she knew that I was petrified." [E!]

  • Good people of tearooms everywhere, it is with a heavy heart that I tell you George Michael has been hospitalised with a nasty case of pneumonia and has been forced to pull out of concerts. But don't reach for the chloroform quite yet, he's on the mend and said he'll be rescheduling all of the shows he missed. [NYDN]
  • The ghost of Marilyn Monroe lets out a DMV-worker sigh to learn that there's a very good chance Katy Perry might be playing her on Broadway. [E!]
  • Mischa Barton has found herself back on the too fat/too thin not-so-merry-go-round, with reports she's taking things too far (!) with her recent slim down. [Daily Mail]
  • A ring that might have been worn by Sharon Tate the night she was brutally murdered is up for auction. Oh, humanity, you crazy thing you. [TMZ]
  • Joel McHale's birthday cake read: "Happy Birthday Matthew Lillard!" Because apparently he gets mistaken for him all the time. I don't see it. [Page Six]
  • Some cheery individual put together a collection of their five favorite Thanksgiving tragedies. Though we'd hardly call the uncovering of Tiger Wood's mass infidelity a tragedy. [E!]
  • Start saving your pennies, with the Post dishing out the address of Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds possible new pad you might need them to make bail for your stalking charges. [Page Six]
  • The Rock is a total diva, according to those gossipy bitches at WWE. [NYDN]
  • Want to know how much Linda got in the Hulk Hogan divorce settlement? No? Well, too bad. It was a cool $30 million. [E!]
  • Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian go to PR rehab, and dish turkey out to some homeless folk. And of course had to Tweet about it immediately. [E!]
  • We've got Enquirer's headline for next week: Pregnant Beyoncé's drug binge shock – 14 trips to the bathroom in two hours! [US]
  • Adam Levine says that his annoying penchant towards vanity that always ends up with him taking his top off is thanks to yoga. [US]
  • Sometimes a couple of minutes can seem like forever, while it can also feel the other way around. As evidenced in this brilliant The Walking Dead clip: Search For Sophia ... In Two minutes. [Vulture]
  • Kate Beckinsale made another Underworld movie? [Daily Mail]
  • Rejecting an unwanted marriage proposal must be super awkward, like when you're Nicole Scherzinger and some stranger springs it on you while you're at work. [TMZ]
  • This is kind of awesome: crazy-ass Julia Roberts-loving spammers say Mirror, Mirror is going to be a great film. Again and again. Those poor marketing interns and their now crippled hands. [Vulture]
  • Kirstie Alley says running on a treadmill sucks so hard the though of it makes "me slit my throat." Good to see she's passionate. [People]