Relax, that knot of anxiety in your chest is all for naught. While it'd be time to switch off the lights of humanity if Amy Poehler and Tina Fey really hated each other, luckily we've been spared that Sophie's Choice moment for now — I mean, who would you back if it really came down to it? That ol' trickster Amy was just poking fun at her friend after Tina sent in a video in lieu of showing up to see her accept her Variety Power of Comedy award. "To everyone who came in person, thank you," Amy said. "To everyone who made a video, you're dead to me. We all know how easy it is to make a video." With Tina in New York working on some more 30 Rock goodness, in the video she spoke of their time together at Second City, SNL and their awesome TV comedies: "We even have shows on the same night in what will be known as the last great days of NBC." [Ministry Of Gossip]

It may come as a shock to realize that Jennifer Lopez didn't sew up her vagina in the wake of her divorce announcement from Marc Anthony, with "tongues wagging" after she gave her new plaything Casper Smart a lap dance at an AMA after party. And Pitbull a little onstage action from the looks of it. [Page Six]
She also joins the ranks of aspirational super-villians by only agreeing to perform at the AMAs if her production was bigger than Marc's. [Page Six]
Which could have stemmed from the awkward post-split sex she may or may not have had with Marc earlier this month. [Ace Showbiz]

In further divorce news (fun, right?), Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher met up for some couple's counseling over the weekend. [US]
But apparently it didn't go so well because Demi then jetted out to Hawaii. [Mirror]
But not before asking her age gap-savvy, twice divorced pal Madonna for advice. [MTV]
Let's hope she asked about the problem of what to do with her Kutcher-centric Twitter name. Won't somebody please think of the Twitter name! [E!]

All of the Angelina Jolie adoption haters can suck it, after she invited her son Pax's biological grandmother Nhan Dung for a day with the family during their recent trip to Vietman. "It was a one day visit," says a source type. "Nhan was looking forward to it after Pax had lived so many years abroad." [US]

Jessica "I'm too pretty to get work" Biel now says it's that pesky Anne Hathaway's fault she can't score the jobs she wants. And not, you know, her increasingly painful attitude. [Page Six]

The extended trailer for Madonna's directorial gamble W.E. is finally here. People give her a lot of shit about her involvement in film before they've even seen anything. Now we've been given this little snippet we can judge with authority. So, what say you? [OMG]

It's very big of me, I know, but I'm going to nix the beard talk on this occasion and say that Olivia Wilde and Jake Gyllenhaal may indeed be "very cozy" with each other. Chowing down at Chinatown Brasserie with some friends, the pair sat together and "were in a group but were very cozy with their chairs pulled in closely together." Hmm, while it could have been loud and hard to talk and they're actually just friends, sexual speculation is much more interesting. [Page Six]

  • Katy Perry is pregnant with a healthy burger baby! "I like In-N-Out Burger and Taco Bell and if you want to make that pregnant that's your problem," she said. Word. [People]
  • Justin Bieber stood his ground when a pair of those horrible morning DJs made fun of him for treating Selena Gomez to extravagant dates – like an intimate dinner in the middle of the Staples Centre. "You got to treat a woman right," he said. "Girls like when you just do spontaneous things." [Page Six]
  • Justin also got round to taking that darn paternity test. [US]
  • subscribers had better Irish up their coffee with news that Jenny McCarthy has just signed up. [Radar]
  • Matt Damon just went down 1,000 points after he was caught out attending a bull-fight in Mexico. [Radar]
  • Move over Samantha Ronson, DJ C-Squared (aka Connor Cruise) is the latest celebrity spinner. [Daily Mail]
  • Tom Cruise ventures into Awkward Family Photos territory when he takes Suri for a spot of ice-skating. [E!]
  • Whereas Usher is all kinds of cute when he skips out on the AMAs to hang with his boys Usher V and Naviyd. [E!]
  • The sales women at Victoria's Secret gawked like slack-jawed frat boys when Miranda Kerr walked into the store. Wonder what her store discount is like. [Page Six]
  • Kristin Cavallari is not engaged again, so you can resume not caring one way or the other. [E!]
  • The always amazing Paz de la Huerta is asked for a Boardwalk Empire spoiler, and gives up this season's major plot twist. It's kinda obvious, but I'd kill anyone who gave up the end of one of my stories, so: SPOILER ALERT! [Page Six]
  • Hugh Grant says the Murdoch press aren't the only ones who have his digits. [Ministry Of Gossip]
  • The adorable Valentina can't bear to look at momma Salma Hayek taking a trip in Paris. [E!]
  • Victoria Beckham is trading in fake boobs for France, with reports she's moving the family from LA to Paris. [Daily Mail]
  • Oh my god, you guys, Kim Kardashian's friends are, like, totally talking to Kris Humphries! Can you, like, believe it? Poor Kim, I hope she's okay [Aaaaaand scene]. [Radar]
  • Kim also likes to plan ahead, having to cancel Christmas cards she'd already ordered before she split with Kris. Because newlywed holiday cards are not at all obnoxious. [Radar]
  • Sgt. Scott Moore said Mila Kunis was a really cool date for the Marines ball. [E!]
  • It may be considered rude in some circles, but Rachel Bilson is a bit of a social renegade and rearranged all of the place settings at a Nylon mag dinner in her honor. [Page Six]
  • It probably kills her to have to ask her little sister for help with anything, but Solange says Beyoncé is learning mom stuff from her. [US]
  • Unnatural alien Amy Adams clearly isn't one of us, looks the opposite of awkward in her yearbook photo. [Daily Mail]
  • Nicole Scherzinger speaks about how the dangers of dieting at 14 with Shape, a magazine with promises of diet and exercise tips splashed all over the cover. [Radar]