If his on-set antics are anything to go by, Kristen Stewart is in for a good time not a long time when it comes to adult cuddles with Robert Pattinson. We knew that the censors initially gave Twilight: Breaking Hymen an R-rating due to the graphic nature of the sex scenes before they went back to the editing room, but director Bill Condon reveals it's because Rob was champing at the bit to get at Kristen during the shoot: "It's almost clinical the kind of strict guidelines [the MPAA] have about anything that appears to be - how do I put it delicately? That appears to be, let's call it thrusting." Let's hope there's a director's cut. [MTV]

You'd better Irish up your morning coffee, the Kim Kardashian divorce updates are coming as thick as Kris and as fast as the dollar signs in her mom's eyes. First up: a source otherwise known as common sense says that Kim was never in love with Kris. [Radar]
Another brainiac reveals the wedding was a publicity stunt. [Radar]
Nonetheless, Kim was pretty devo in the lead-up to her PR bomb. [NYDN]
Surprise! It's business as usual as Kim flies to Australia to hawk her cheap bags sans wedding ring. [E!]
Her brother Rob says she's "going through a lot" – he could mean toilet paper, breath mints or hair ties. We can't say for sure. [E!]
Sisters Khloé and Kourtney tweet their condolences to their millions of followers during this private time. [E!]
Word on the street is that Kim was jealous that he's a bigger fame whore than her. [TMZ]
Kris can't legally ask for his two million dollar ring back. [TMZ]
Kim was tortured over her decision to divorce, as evidenced by her biting her nails in this unrelated picture. [TMZ]

She's had a hell of a time in the pregnancy department in recent years, suffering both a stillbirth and a miscarriage, so it's tops that Lily Allen is looking happy and healthy as she shows off her eight-month-old bump. The pumpkin carving is not without merit, either. [US]

Thanks to tweens, child pervs and over-30s who should really know better, walking wig stand Justin Bieber is the first person to have reached two billion views on a YouTube channel. Sure it seems cute now, but it'll be less so when the inflated egos of JB and Kim Kardashian end up battling it out for world domination amid a terrified Manhattan like two Cloverfield monsters. Which I may or may not have watched again last night. [E!]

They could easily call in their army of nannies to do the job for them, but something just gets the oil pumping through my rusty heart when two celebrities put any problems aside to play happy families. Christina Aguilera and her ex-husband Jordan Bratman are such a pair, taking their three-year-old son Max trick or treating over the weekend. [US]

  • The normally coma-inducing Jessica Biel has finally roused our interest by attending Kate Hudson's Halloween bash as Kim Kardashian. We don't even need pictures to know it was amazing. [Page Six]
  • In other 360 news: Gwyneth Paltrow proves herself a competitive monster in every aspect of life and earns our respect by revealing she won't let her kids win 10 pin bowling. [NYDN]
  • Amanda Seyfried has a massive lady-boner for Justin Timberlake. [Showbiz Spy]
  • Reese Witherspoon's $4,000 python-skin purse is barely legal in California. [Radar]
  • Adele's rep comes forward to say she doesn't have throat cancer despite earlier rumors. [NYDN]
  • Those that love to hate the Daily Fail – which is to say the overwhelming majority of earthlings – will be won over with this musical chuckle-fest. [YouTube]
  • Amy Poehler says Leslie Knope would love New York but would be "irritated by the price of the lobster rolls" if she were to relocate. [Page Six]
  • Zac Efron and Vanessa Hudgens are the latest pair attempting to resuscitate their better-off-dead relationship. [Twist]
  • We know she got hitched, but those who froth at the mouth over wedding dresses had best grab a bib before clicking to see what look Eva Amurri was workin'. [US]
  • French president Nicolas Sarkozy and Carla Bruni-Sarkozy take their darling little cheese wheel Giulia out for her very first pap attack. [People]
  • Lindsay Lohan asks her morgue boss for a letter of recommendation. [TMZ]
  • Playboy Playmate Jayde Nicole has a message for Linds, saying if she's getting almost a million for her spread she wants to see some early ‘90s Sharon Stone action. [TMZ]
  • Demi Moore is still "alarmingly" skinny in the wake of her husband's extremely public extramarital affair. Meh, cut her a break, shit must be stressful. [Radar]
  • Conversely, guys like Gerard Butler can lose all the weight they want and are still considered the hunkiest of Hollywood hunks. [Radar]
  • Hugh Dancy says he's not so sure about being whipped in the bedroom but is willing to give it a shot. [Vuture]
  • You may all choke on your Cheerios after reading that Nicole Scherzinger will play biblical prostitute Mary Magdalene in the new Jesus Christ Superstar film. [The Sun]