From the latest edition of Totally Inappropriate Air Travel Industry Practices Digest, a rough outline of the airline's best practices as witnessed during a recent incident at JFK:
- JetBlue wants to make sure all passengers are sporting proper skivvies.
- If it is not immediately clear that your genitals are safely ensconced, a male employee may wave a walkie-talkie around your crotch (because walkie-talkies are actually underpants-detectors — that's a CIA secret, but now you know).
- If the walkie-talkie test fails to yield a conclusive result, you may be asked to deplane.
- If, upon your exit of the aircraft, it is determined that you are neither pantsless nor pantiesless and, in fact, you are just wearing short shorts and a very baggy shirt, you may be allowed to get back on the plane.
- If, however, the plane is being piloted by a dick who refuses to fly with you on board, despite the fact that you are wearing all the necessary garments, then you will have to take a later flight and file a lawsuit as soon as you get home.