Apparently, since it's Independence Day Weekend here in Amurrica, the only things that are happening are located overseas, where people are continuing to carry on with their daily lives while over here we're drinking beer or lemonade and playing bags across the fruited plains and purple mountain's majesty. While our celebrities are taking their annual plastic surgery related summer breaks and no news is happening, anywhere (or everyone who is supposed to report on it is on vacation), Europe is taking this opportunity to go completely bananas with outrageous hats worn to formal events, as only Europe can.
Princess Beatrice's treasure of a Rorschach test hat has unleashed the floodgates, and the attendees at this weekend's royal wedding in Monaco didn't disappoint.
Sophie Countess of Wessex forgot that she was supposed to wear a hat and was running late to the ceremony, so on her way she smashed a pigeon with a sledge hammer and bobby pinned it to her head. Rumor has it that Tyra Banks will use this idea as a challenge in the next season of America's Next Top Model- make a hat out of a dead bird. Sophie of Wessex did it.
Khadja Nin's hat doubles as a birdbath. A wicker birdbath.
Grand Duchess Maria of Russia opted to wear a stylish JC Penney bedding set from the Bob Ross "Happy Little Matryoshka" Everyday Home collection.
A pheasant tries unsuccessfully to hide behind Princess Madeleine of Sweden's head.
Michele Piccard turns the concept of wearing "something slinky" on its head by wearing something Slinky on her head.
Maria Margarita Vargas Santaella wears a hat so large she could fit all of her names inside it.
Swedish actress Victoria Silvstedt teeters weddingward in a giant hat designed to shield her eyes from all of the disapproving royal eyebrow raises her shoes will evoke.
Crown Princess Mary of Denmark wears a hat that approximates the thing that happens to cartoon characters when they're walking down the street and someone drops an anvil on their head.
Stephanie Anne Kaul causes hayfever in 30 to 45% of American adults.
And, for some reason, Naomi Campbell, in a hat that I hope isn't throwable.
(Photos by Getty Images)