Last night, I decided to watch the Ally McBeal pilot —just to see if the show was as good as people in the 90s seemed to think it was— and there was a case where a man blames his habit of grabbing women's asses on his OCD.
The show didn't exactly bowl me over, but I did think that such a case sounded tragically realistic.
Sadly, I was right.
Cut to present day, when 53-year-old Iurii Chumak was seen "drinking straight from a bottle of Dewar's" on his April 28th flight while watching a female flight attendant lean over to pour coffee for a nearby passenger:
Chumak seized the opportunity to slide his hand up her skirt, "grabbed her genital area" and "began to run his fingers back and forth."
Thankfully, other passengers witnessed the incident and Chumak was placed in restraints for the remainder of the flight, after which he had the pleasure of meeting with the FBI:
He's spent the last month and change in the Brooklyn House of D. Though Chumak initially claimed he passed out drunk and then woke up in restraints, yesterday he admitted that he intentionally groped the woman, telling the judge, "I'm very sorry that it happened."
As for his motive, Chumak attributed his behavior to his "blood sugar" levels
So it was unintentional, then it was intentional, then it was blood sugar levels. Just keep tossing them out there until one sticks. That seems reasonable.
Note to all major airlines: please remember to provide all passengers with an assortment of candies, lest this happen again.