Provided you can speak — and teach — ancient Greek, Latin, French and Spanish, that is. You must also be able to play two instruments, and it would help if you are "sporty." In exchange for your services, you will receive a salary of $98,000 a year, for two to four hours of work a day, on location at the Paltrow-Martin home in Belsize Park, north London. Living quarters will be supplied free-of-charge, and you may be asked to travel with the couple and their kids when they fly abroad. Imagine the thrill you will feel when you prove to your father than you can make a living with your dead/classical languages liberal arts degree! Bonus points if you teach seven-year old Apple and five-year-old Moses how to say "My mom makes Goop" in ancient Greek.