Viva is a German-language music channel and this weekend it held its annual Comet music awards. Observing fashions from a foreign pop music celebration is a lot like tuning into a long-running soap opera for the first time: You're like, "Who are these people and what the fuck is happening?"

Identical twins Irish rap duo Jedward might be the only recognizable celebrities at this even, to most people anyway. Considering what they wore to meet President Obama recently, this getup is comparatively tasteful.

Remember "99 Luftballons," basically the most famous German pop song of all time? Well that's Nena there, in the middle. The caption with this photo said "Nena with children," and since these two don't particularly look like children, and she doesn't look like she's "with child" herself, I'm going to assume these individuals are her children. Did you know that Nena's a grandma? Dressed in leather from head-to-toe she's the hottest großmutter ever.

This is the all-girl pop group Queensberry. They were formed on a television show—essentially the German version of Making the Band. First of all, based on their outfits (and the facial expression on the one on the right) none of these women look like they belong together, nor do they appear to be attending the same event. From the left we have a chick going to a Pink impersonator contest; a girl going as one of the Men on Film for Halloween; a young lady who shops at Charlotte Russe; and a girl who didn't fully commit to the flapper theme at a costume party.

Deutsch douche.

German singer Mandy looks like waterslides.

These guys are Laserkraft 3D, which would explain the glasses. Points deducted, however, for not actually keeping the lenses in them. If you're going to attempt ridiculousness, you really need to marry yourself to it and not go half-assed.

Best dressed goes to Palina Rojinski because why not? She looks like she lives in Minnie Mouse's house.

Runner-up goes to Gina Lisa for dressing like a Rock of Love contestant hanging out by the pool in Vegas. But actually she was a contestant on Germany's Next Top Model and had a sex tape scandal.

I can't quite figure out who Jorge Alessi González Madrigal Barona Villa is but he, too, has something to do with Germany's Next Top Model. I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that he's some kind cross-pollination of Miss J and Mister Jay.

It's not polite to point and laugh—it was probably just really cold in there.