The Eurovision Song Contest is in full swing in Düsseldorf, with the Semi-Final taking place tonight. We review the glory that was last night's dress rehearsal.

Aurela Gace of Albania goes with a classic Eurovision look: Shocking hair, metal appliques, a flowing cape, an awkward hemline, and sheer fabric that affords viewers the knowledge that there are no undergarments being worn.

As a man in this contest, it can be difficult to wow the crowd with costumes. Yuksek Sadakat of Turkey seems to understand this, so he compensates by wearing a "masculine" version of a bedazzled bodysuit, while depending on a background dancer-ish person to provide the drama by hatching from a cage egg and spreading some wings.

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Unlike Yuksek, Homens Da Luta of Portugal relied on comedy for their costumes—we think?

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Daria of Croatia is completely upstaged by Goth Bea Arthur.

Having background dancers can be both a blessing and a curse, as Kati Wolf of Hungary might be realizing, considering that she's standing next to a woman covered in electric labia. Electric Labia is a good riot grrrl band name.

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Of course Switzerland would be neutral (read: boring) and wear a freaking watch. Meanwhile, Glen Vella of Malta has made his penis the star of his ensemble, as evidenced by the Barker's Beauties showcasing it.

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Emmy of Armenia totally gets it: A theme, customized props, a costume reveal, and a gaggle of male backup dancers.

Nina of Serbia totally wins the cuteness prize. But the thing is, Eurovision isn't about cuteness. It's about Eurotrash. So in that respect, she loses.