Royal Wedding Headline Tally: 16 And Counting

Herewith, your obligatory daily roundup of conjecture, speculation, gossip and authoritative pronouncements about Friday’s royal wedding.

Bad news, kids: rain forecast for the big day. But on the up side, Kate Middleton got an oxygen facial.

Some believe — apparently based on nothing — that Kate will base her wedding gown on Grace Kelly’s. Which would be great, but again, appears to be based on nothing. Olivier Theyskens knows who designed the dress and “almost let it slip” to a reporter. But didn’t. However! Some are taking this as a clue. Says the Daily Mail, “It is sure to be someone in his circle of friends (cue frantic research into his past colleagues at Rochas and Nina Ricci, and fellow art students at La Cambre, where he briefly studied) – and given the occasion, someone British, or someone who works at a British fashion house.” Also up for debate: Will the bride wear the Queen’s wedding tiara? If she does, one gambler could win 72,000 pounds. But there are other tiaras in the race, like Diana’s “Cambridge Lover’s Knot.” They’re all nice.

Only thing we know for sure: she’ll be compared to Diana. And, in a “Fashion Faceoff,” Ted Casablancas muses, “Di was a piranha in and out of her designer duds-by palace standards, at least. But Kate’s look is much more…Safe? The bride-to-be is not exactly making real marks-as fashion statements go. Is that a statement in it itself?” Other comparisons are even more depressing. Reading Tina Brown’s biography of the late princess, Alyssa Rosenberg concludes,

Brown does a great job of teasing out how emotionally awful it was to be a member of the royal family: this is a group of people who doesn’t understand that someone who’s had three strokes might not be able to make it to formal meals on time; or postpartum depression; or the idea that it might not be super-sensitive to keep your mistress when you’re trying to build an emotionally meaningful marriage. Yes, the Royal Family is insanely privileged, but Brown builds a fairly persuasive case that the money and status might not be particularly worth it.

Sad trombone.

Apparently some of Di’s friends were “snubbed” on the guest-list. Also, Lily Allen, but that we understand. Meanwhile, Ireland rugby captain Brian O’Driscoll has done the unthinkable and declined, because he has a match the next day.

Wedding-themed foods available in England include: a Royal Wedding potato selection, and a William and Kate themed cheese board. Also, those creepy tea bags that make it look like the royal couple is lounging in a scalding, dark-brown hot tub. Predictably, Americans are buying up the souvenir tchotchkes like crazy.

Lest you forget, the wedding will emphasize the monarchy’s Church-State Ties. (Also: Fate.) Probably another argument Mark Oppenheimer would give for boycotting the whole thing. Says he, “Of all the annoying things about the royal wedding-the crass materialism, the outrageous invasion of a young couple’s privacy, the bad TV-none is more troubling than the occasion this event gives for the non-English to transform themselves into besotted Anglophilic wusses.” Also in American folly: we really like the whole “commoner” storyline, so the networks are totally playing it up.

Will Kate Middleton Channel Grace Kelly On Her Wedding Day? [OMG]
‘Nobody Knows? I Know Who Does It’ [Daily Mail]
Fashion Face-Off! Kate Middleton Vs. Princess Diana [E]
Poor Kate Middleton? [The Dish]
Royal Wedding Snapshots [OMG]
A Right Royal Marketing Opportunity [Guardian]
Who Got Snubbed? [Newser]
Brian O’Driscoll Declines Royal Wedding Invite [BBC]
Royal Wedding Emphasizes Church-State Ties [Huffington Post]
Kitsch And Caboodle [NY Post]
Royal Wedding: Gambler Hopes To Pocket £72,000 On Kate Middleton Tiara Bet [Telegraph]
Boycott The Royal Wedding [Slate]
The See-Through Dress Incident [Slate]
As Fate Would Have It [Slate]
Kate Middleton Will Be Glowing At Royal Wedding After Oxygen Facial [STV]
Royal Wedding Weather Forecast [Washington Post]