There were a bunch of names I didn't recognize at the Chopard party last night in Cannes, and most of those unknowns really tickled my fashion fancy. Unfortunately those women I did recognize (Christina Ricci, Gwyneth, Dita Von Teese) didn't really get me too jazzed. Except, of course, Maria Menounos (in Marchesa methinks?), who totally stole my heart along with Kristin Scott Thomas. But why did Lola Ponce think it was okay to be naked? The party was about precious jewels and that doesn't include the one you're wearing as a belly button ring. My picks for The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly, after the jump.

The Good

Gabriella Wright looks just lovely. This dress is different but she's not trying too hard. I love the color, although I wish she had done something more interesting with her hair.

There's nothing wrong with Kristin Scott Thomas in this blue number. She looks classic and appropriate.

Maria Menounos is wearing my favorite dress of the evening. It's long and drapey but also form fitting. I love this so much. Gimme.

Not my favorite dress in the world, but Tang Wei looks great and she's kind of like, "What? I'm pretty. What's the problem?."

I don't know who Vahina Giocante is, obviously her dress does. What? I don't know. But I like it.

The Bad

Why does Christina Ricci always look weird? [Um, what about her awesome dress at the Costume Institute gala? -Ed.] This dress looks like a caterpillar that's eating her body. I mean, it's a nice dress, but it's boring and I think a woman needs to be pretty tall to pull of that kind of length.

Dita Von Teese is great and everything (I guess) but her whole retro schtick is starting to wear thin. She looks matronly here. Pancake makeup and sheer stockings are for grandmas, drag queens, and the entire female cast of Radio Days. What does this woman do anyway? She strips for rich people? Can I have that job?

I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that Eva Herzigova looks too perfect. Not a hair out of place, nothing. It's too beauty pagent. That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

Please don't tell me that I'm the only one in the world who doesn't think Gwyneth Paltrow is the cat's pj's? This dress looks like the new 500 thread count Ralph Lauren sheets I just bought (on sale).

Salma Hayek, one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen, is wearing a baggy green dress with a necklace from Urban Outfitters. Ouch.

The Ugly

Yoinks! I understand why Lola Ponce would want to show off her body, but this is just weird. It sort of looks like whatever she has on underneath is Budweiser-related. More specifically, it looks like she's going to the Girls Gone Wild prom.

This is what I wanted to look like when I was eight years old. I also wanted to change my name to "Cookie" and drive a pink convertible Porsche.