How James Franco Can Fix James Franco

We feared a post-Oscars Franco-overload. To judge by today’s news, our fears were justified. So now that the world’s getting Franco-fatigue, what should be his next move?

It was inevitable. The Oscars were a turning-point. What had seemed quirky, fun, essentially true to himself suddenly became…ubiquitous. Suddenly it didn’t seem like Franco was living to please himself so much as just available for anything. Can we blame anyone for hosting the Oscars? Well, not reasonably, but I do think it took away some of the mystique that was key to the Franco legend. And not just because he kind of sucked. Says the New York Post,”the Oscars may have marked a turning point for the 21st century Renaissance Man. America is no longer infatuated with Franco – and a wave of backlash has begun.” (The piece is called “Franco-Stein,” which would be awful were it not the hyphenate our kids would share, so.) Adds the New York Observer, “The world is finally beginning to get over Mr. Franco, it would seem!” (The NY Times, it should be said, still seems quite impressed.)

So, what’s an actor-artist-writer-student-teacher-Oscar-host to do? As we see it, he has a few options.

Go Rogue.
In what I will term “pulling a Daniel Day-Lewis,” Franco could always go off-grid and pursue something even more random than his prior vocations. May we suggest weaving?

Run With It.
If planned obsolescence is the man’s goal — and it might be — maybe he should just ride the wave and continue with the current pursuit of risible ubiquity. Game-show host, reality show subject, documentary filmmaker, paparazzo, Glee guest star…the sky’s the limit, really.

Go Mad.
Possibly fake-crazy, a la Joaquin Phoenix. Not that we recommend this course.

Rehab.
You know, ’cause it’s the thing to do.

Random Love Interest.
This could be an interesting direction — the possibilities are endless, from Kardashian to Swift to dude to Aniston to much-older European artist. Or Agyness Deyn.

Porn.
C’mon, you know you’d watch it.

It’s Franco-Stein [NY Post]
What More Can The Times Say About James Franco’s Academic Life? [NY Observer]