"What Would We Do Together Besides Mind-Blowing Sex?"

This Crap Email comes not from a reader, but rather SeattlePI, where one intrepid reporter is chronicling her adventures in the world of online dating. Unfortunately, one of these is more worst-nightmare — and results in a crappola missive of truly epic proportions.

Kate’s initial impression of Marcus is okay, even if he’s a little overeager. When they meet, though, she finds out he’s a creepy liar with crazy-eyes who, when she tries to leave, seizes her hands and says, “There is no way I am letting you leave yet. No way.” By the time she gets home, there’s an email requesting a date. She politely declines, and then receives this:

Kate:

Synopsis of The Rock:

a) Too skinny

b) I asked what you do in your free time, and you really don’t do anything. Makes me wonder what we would do together besides mindblowing sex.

c) Totally turned off by the “I almost didn’t write you because you didn’t put your income.”

d) Check your profile hon, you didn’t put yours either, even though you claimed you did.

e) Think you are better than you really are

f) Turned off by the “I usually date older guys because they are more stable” comment

You were great on the phone and email, I guess I was looking for that person and got someone else. Good luck.

Marcus

Oh, and she had never actually mentioned income, let alone uttered any such statement. Too bad; they could really have worked out if not for that error of communication. Also, it was our impression that The Rock was about a daring prison break, but apparently delusional creepers figure in their somewhere too. Thanks for taking one for the team, Kate.