Age-old mysteries are solved in today's best comments.

Best Comment Of The Day in response to The Goldman Sachs LadyWill Teach You How To Date Black Dudes:

How to date a black dude:

1. Find a black dude.
2. If he is interested and you are interested, go on a date with him.

The end.

Not rocket surgery, people.

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Vintage Kardashian Holiday Cards: Old Noses, Awkward Poses:

I love all of these. It's like they're from another planet. An amazing, insane, themey, glittery planet possibly created by a lord god who got really really ripped one time and watched all its Dynasty/Falcon Crest/Dallas DVDs in one marathon session and said, "Yes, I want all of this to exist at once," and made it so.

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Best Comment Of The Day in response to Don't Ask Don't Tell Repeal Vote Scheduled For Saturday:

Call the Senate switchboard toll-free at 1-800-614-2803, ask for Mark Kirk's office, and try to make yourself sound like a cranky old person who has every Election Day free

Best Comment Of The Day in response to The Pocket Guide To Vaginal Euphamisms & Their Meanings:

And now a story, presented entirely in vagina euphemisms:

Black Bess greeted the morning, opened the Beef Curtains, put on her best Flesh Tuxedo, grabbed her Doodle Sack and headed out the door. She and her Slobbering Bulldog, Cooter, had planned an exciting adventure to Cape Horn.

Using her Map of Tasmania, together they navigated through the Fun Tunnel, around Jack Straw's Castle and rode a Furback Turtle to Cod Canal. Once they crossed the body of water in a Butter Boat, they became lost in a Dead End Street in Happy Valley. Black Bess was struck by a Knob Gobbler and was left with a Rusty Axe Wound that Never Heals. Suddenly, Lady Jane, a Snake Charmer, came to her rescue and used a Dick Sharpener to kill it, leaving the beast with only a Vertical Grimace buried in a Smelly Jelly Hole.

Exhausted, all three slept in an improvised Silk Igloo and ate what little Yeast Cake and Meat Muffin they had left, Yum Yum!

The next morning, they followed the sweet serenades of Hairy Mannilow and finally reached their destination and lived happily ever after.

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Reminder: Rather than emailing us your daily comment nominations, we'd like you to submit them in the tips box at the top of the page. So send us your nominations via that box — complete with the outstanding comment's URL — and tag your nomination #cotd. (Replying to a comment with "#cotd" does not work.) From here on out, we'll mine through the brilliance via the Comment of the Day tag page.

Use #trollpatrol to report comments that you feel the editors/mods should be aware of. Try not to respond to/approve/promote trollish comments in the threads — instead, just post the comment on the #trollpatrol page, the same way you'd post a comment on #groupthink or on the #cotd page, and the editors/mods will take care of it.

For meetups, use the meetup tag page!

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