In the 70s, my dad missed a chance to see Elvis, and has always regretted it. This is not how I feel about skipping Jingle Ball '99. But now, seeing last night's appalling Katy-Perry-Kylie-duds, I'm changing my mind.

Singer Luciana fancies herself Wonderwoman redux. Someone could use a lasso of truth in her dressing room.

Joey King gets into the holiday spirit.

And for her sake, we hope her innocence isn't completely destroyed by the sight of Lacey Schwimmer. I mean, no one under 13 should have this knowledge of macrame.

Someone who knows how to dress for an impressionable crowd: Selena Gomez.

As usual looking like an aging Eddie Haskell, Seacrest.

On the one hand, Ali Fedotowsky's dress is kind of frumpy and ugly and weird. On the other, this kind of resembles the Samantha doll's outfit. Which is a big "but."

Ariel Winter's combination of "rebellious" footwear and delighted expression is kind of the best thing ever.

Ripping off circa-'03 Madonna, the mistress of pastiche, is a level of postmodernism I can barely comprehend.

Katy Perry manages the high-wire act of balancing dowdy and trashy.

[Images via Getty]