It's like Dolce & Gabbana hired Matthew McConaughey and then said, "I know! What if we made him look like Photoshopped Justin Bieber?"

Romantic lead, father of two, nude bongo player, triathlete, star of the criminally under-rated Thirteen Conversations About One Thing, cat rescuer, frat boy, exchange student: Matthew McConaughey has lived an interesting 40 years. Too bad he looks like he was digitally replaced by a pubescent wax mannequin in his latest D&G cologne ad.

For comparison's sake, let's examine this 2006 paparazzi shot of McConaughey and his surfboard. To our knowledge, it hasn't been retouched.


I spy with my little eye: muscle tone, texture that resembles human skin, and some indication that his facial muscles actually, you know, move.

And here McConaughey is, proving that when he sits down, ordinarily his abdomen actually creases a little.


Stay classy, fashion!