Today's best comments are for adults only.

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Adult Store Opens In Historic Manassas, Residents Freak Out:

Sue Anne is in the wrong state. Virginia is for Lovers. Everyone knows that.

Best Comment Of The Day, also in response to Adult Store Opens In Historic Manassas, Residents Freak Out:

Oh yes, they got Trouble,
right here in Manassas city,
with a capitol T and that rhymes with V and that stands for Vibrators
(that stands for Vibrators!)

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Penthouse Founder Bob Guccione Dies:

Dear Jezebel,
I never thought I'd be writing a comment about the passing of Bob, but I heard the news on the radio as I was delivering a stack of pizzas to the local sorority house. The blonde twins invited me in as they counted their money, saying they hoped they had enough to pay me. You'll never believe what happened next......

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Dentist On Kanye's Diamond Teeth: "Good Luck With Oral Hygiene":

Unsolicited Dental Update: Kanye Puts His Money Where His Mouth Is!

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Marijuana Now Available In Refreshing Soda Form:

They finally found a way to sell old bong water.

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Christina O'Donnell Doesn't Know Much, But She Knows She's Winning:

DELAWARE (AP) - A loud groan followed by a distinct thud was heard across the continental US today as Constitutional scholars from east to west shared a universal facepalm in response to Christine O'Donnell's reflection on this week's Senate race debate.

Best Comment Of The Day in response to Watch Alec Baldwin (Hilariously) Show His Support For Gay Marriage:

Someone needs to do a mashup of this with his Glengarry Glen Ross monologue.

Baldwin: "Oh, have I got your attention now? Good. 'Cause we're adding a little something to the marriage equality debate. As you all know, first prize is marrying Jesse Tyler Ferguson. Anyone want to see second prize? Second prize's a set of steak knives. Third prize is you keep being bigots and they cancel Modern Family. You get the picture? You're laughing now? You got a cause. The politicians are counting on votes and donor money. Get their names to sell them on marriage equality! You can't close the causes you're given, you can't close shit, you ARE shit, hit the bricks pal and say goodbye to Cam and Mitchell 'cause they are going out!!!

Shelley Levene: The cause is weak.

Baldwin: 'The cause is weak.' Fucking cause is weak? Jesse Tyler Ferguson is the cause!

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