- Paris Hilton, Vegas ex-pat, took her big hat and a purse not filled with cocaine to Maui to escape the tedium of being a feckless hotel heiress.
One starstruck islander filed this report to Radar about her run-in: "Paris was in the produce section. She was holding lemons. She was holding so many lemons, and other fruit that i can't remember, that i went up to her and offered her a basket. She said 'thank you,' and she told me that her boyfriend had a wagon, but that she didn't take the basket." See? It was NOT HER BASKET. Everyone tries to frame Paris, whether it's blow or lemons. [Radar]
- Spencer Pratt, the big chooch, appears to have spent the whole summer collecting sex tapes. One brave Playboy model will not stand for his wily ways and has threatened to sue. Here's a reenactment cobbled together from my own mind:
- PLAYBOY MODEL: "Hello? Lawyer guy? Spencer Pratt stole my sex tape."
- LAWYER GUY: "Oh, you should sue. I can help."
- PLAYBOY MODEL: "Meekymikeymokeysqueakynoises"
- LAWYER GUY: "Done!"
- And that's the universe. [USWeekly]
- Hey! Italian lady housewife with a spending problem is probably not as broke as everyone thinks she is. Alas, she still can't afford her dignity. [NYDailyNews]
- DAYUMMMMMM!!! America's foremost Jigga Hova, Jay-Z, apparently bought Beyonce a nice island for her birthday. What, peonies from FTD and a box of Baci chocolates aren't good enough for your lady, you show off? Quit making poor dudes look like chumps, bro. [Media Takeout]
- Hot little minx, Kourtney Karadashian, tells People that her and her boyfriend, Scott Whatshisface, are on solid ground, regardless of how much of a jerkoff he appears to be. Need further proof? They're getting professionally counseled on how to love each other: "I think [counseling] is really important and we always love going and feel so much better after. I think everyone should go. People are like, 'It's so expensive and this or that,' but that's more important than buying clothes or a handbag or shoes. It's your life." High-five to the face, sister! [People]