A Harpo employee has broken the company's confidentiality agreement, risking life and limb to bring you this news: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson told Oprah they're totally dating! ZOMG! Here's why you won't see it on air.
The anonymous source tells E! that before taping an Oprah episode that airs May 13, she told Rob and Kristen's people that she planned to "go there." Their handlers said they were forbidden to give a straight answer, so Oprah cut them a deal. She'd let them respond with a joke (saying they're together... and Rob's pregnant), but wouldn't press the issue, on one condition: They must confess their true feelings to Oprah.
"Both Rob and Kristen's people and Summit then confirmed ahead of time [Rob and Kristen] are together and are dating. One hundred percent," reports the brave source.
You see, Oprah must always know the truth, if only for her personal edification. She will play your games, but she will always know where due north is. She will not play your games. No one — no one — lies to Oprah. May this give you all solace heading into the weekend.
Also: K-Stew has just been cast in a film version of On the Road. No word on whether a jealous R-Patz will storm the set.
Rob & Kristen Confirm They're Dating-To Oprah! [E!]
Kristen Stewart cast in film version of Jack Kerouac's 'On the Road' [Ministry of Gossip/LAT]