According to an old medical report posted on Discover.com, a 24-year-old woman who arrived at a London hospital, fearing she had a cancerous tumor in her vagina, came to discover that the lump was actually "a parting gesture of affection."
The report, which was filed in 1961, notes that while there was, indeed, a hard lump in the woman's vagina, it wasn't actually cancer: it was an onion, which had been placed in her lady area as a goodbye gift of sorts. The medical report states:
On being informed that she had no cancer, but rather an onion, the patient shewed no signs of pleasure or of gratitude on being so quickly cured of her complaint and relieved of her anxiety. Instead she exhibited signs of anger, the reason for which was the same as had caused the presence of this unexpected vegetable in such an unusual garden. It appeared that her male consort and herself had indulged very freely in alcohol on the previous evening and that he had departed sometime during the night leaving her in a deep sleep on the bed. The removal of the onion from a bunch of its fellows hanging on the back of the door, and its subsequent insertion, had been his parting gesture of affection.
Next time, just buy flowers, dude. And stick them in a vase.