The People's Choice Awards is the first ceremony of awards season, but it's also the least important, mostly because the winners are not chosen by their peers or critics, but by the their fans. Anyway, let's get to it.
10:58 Wha!?? Johnny Depp showed up!? I bet he's had as much wine as the rest of us tonight.
10:54 It's weird that Favorite Movie Actor is the headlining award. (Please say that it's the headlining award and that this will be over soon).
10:41 This is how I threaten people at parties:
10:39 This is what Epcot Center told me what clothing in 2010 would look, about 22 years ago.
10:28 God, if I were 15 and into Cobra Starship, I'd be so pissed they were doing a duet with the Pussycat Dolls girl. I'd feel so betrayed and angry and fat. Don't judge me! This is emo time!
10:22 Josh Holloway's skin looks like hot dog casing next to Ginnifer Goodwin's. It reminds me of pictures of me and my mother.
10:14 You know, what? I approve of teen girls finding Taylor Lautner hot, because I can see why. But I'm totally lost on why they consider Michael Cera a heartthrob. Have you seen him lately? He looks like he has lesbian AIDS. And I'm a big Arrested Development fan.
10:13 Sooooo…Eli Roth is gay, right?
10:05 I will never be able to hear Hugh Jackman's name without hearing Oprah screaming it in my head.
10:03 But I liked the "my husband, who is my boyfriend" thing.
10:00 I like that Sandra Bullock is trying really hard to associate herself with Nicole Kidman because she feels like they're the only really famous people there. Oh and now she's crying.
9:48 "I'd like to thank God for giving everybody in this room a love for entertainment," says Carrie Underwood. I'd like to thank God for giving everybody in this room a love for couches—otherwise, my dog or I wouldn't be able to achieve something like sitting through the People's Choice Awards.
9:43 Here's Mariah's acceptance speech:
She thanked Cindi Berger (her publicist) at the end. Cindi is the same woman with whom Mariah got in a fight—in front of camera's at a promotional even in July 2001, days before she was admitted into a mental health facility—during her "There's people called haters" speech.
9:38 Total aside for the glasses wearers out there: When you have your contacts in, do you sometimes forget, and go to push your glasses up and nothing's there?
9:37 Big Bang Theory or whatever it's called won an award. If you care.
9:29 This show is boring.
9:20 She's working with some major side boob.
9:19 Yes! Mimi! I love that she needs someone to help her walk at all times. I relate.
9:18 Isn't it enough that the Rascal Flats guy on the right looks gross? Why does he also want to feel gross? A leather cowboy shirt and Jersey Shore hair = tactile nightmare.
9:17 That Paranormal Activity girl lost a lot of weight, huh? I guess she's afraid of being the next Heather Donahue.
9:15 Fulfilling need.
9:14 Need weed.
9:12 Why in the h is Christian Slater there? He's not even nominated for anything.
9:08 The Proposal just won for Favorite Comedy Movie.
9:06 Ellen just won an award but I don't think they announced the other noms or anything. And now she's announcing nominees. I'm confused! This is gonna be a long two hours. I'm gonna hit up the wine box again.
9:04 I love that Kellan Lutz is kind of a big deal now. The Comeback is like my only point of reference for the People's Choice Awards, and he was on that show. (He's one of the original five!)
9:00 Queen Latifah is scatting.
8:56 Has anyone ever heard of Daniela Ruah, Haley Williams, Colbie Caillat, or Dania Ramirez? Me neither. Those girls, along with Jeff Probst are among the only ones whose red carpet pictures have been posted as of yet. Sandra Bullock and Carrie Underwood seem to be the biggest stars attending thus far. And I saw on some site that Nicole Schlinxeerseralkjgah from the Pussycat Dolls will be performing a duet with Cobra Starship tonight. The girl from latter band lives in my building (except not really, because I've never seen her, since she's always on tour, even when my dishwasher flooded and leaked four floors down to her place). Anyway, whatever. Let's go.