The other day, a friend of mine was waiting for a light to change when a dude on a bicycle pulled to a slow stop in front of her, blocking her path. "I'd like to scoop you up," he said...

"Fuck you!" she exclaimed as she tried to walk around him.
"No," he returned smugly. "I'll fuck you." And biked away triumphantly before she could respond.

You get used to tuning out the day-day indignities of cat-calls and come-ons every woman experiences in her day-to-day life. This week alone, two friends mentioned "compliments" of "niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice aassssssssss titties" and "hey, I love ya boobs" and in my neighborhood there's a phenomenon of a lone guy hissing "sexxxxy" just as you pass him. This kind of insult is demeaning, depressing, indiscriminate, and quotidian.

But then, every so often, you'll hear something so bizarre, so odd, so memorable, that it sticks with you. Whether the dude in question is more creative, or merely deranged, they somehow produce insults that make an impression.

Take the time I was standing in line at the Walgreens with a toothpaste in my hand. The fratty guy behind me said loudly into the phone, "yeah, there's this girl ahead of me in line, buying toothpaste. She could be cute, but she's running around in this weird little muumuu. I'd really like to see her in some tight jeans and a halter top."


These are the guys whose words end up in the Ass-Hat Hall of Fame (working title), guys who have felt compelled to share their thoughts with the world and whose thoughts are so appalling that they deserve a larger audience. And now I want to hear yours. Send in your most absurd such experiences. And then I want to hear what you said to them. I'm sure you can do better than "That's funny, because I'd really like to see you dressed like a date-rapist whose mom buys his clothes - but, oh, wait, I already got my wish!" But hey, it was off the cuff.