In honor of Season 3 of Mad Men, AMC has just launched one of those "make your own avatar" applications. I did it, with some unintentionally amusing results.

I tried to be as self-appraising as possible, and it does actually look like me! Except I dress like Juno and I recently quit smoking (but the smoking-lips choice looked so much, you know, cooler.) At the end, the application lets you choose from a variety of settings and unceremoniously plops you into them.

If I ever had the chance to toast with Don Draper, you'd better bet I'd be levitating and staring off into the middle distance.

I call this one "Lonely Picnic."

"Let's just stare at that drunk new girl until she goes away."

"Fuck you and your tea, Birdy. I need the hard stuff."

I call this one "Lonely Bedroom."

Wait a second, I thought I chose the "Joan Holloway" body. Why does she get to be so much thinner? Is that in her contract? No fair.

Here I am giving a presentation about to get an intervention.

Andrew Wyeth's little-known masterpiece, "The Drunk Avatar's World."

[These avatars are based on the brilliant illustrations of the artist Dyna Moe.]