It's summer, which means bronzer, sunglasses — and relocating for romance! You see, while some people move for a job, or for school, Marie Claire suggests its readers move "where the guys are."

That could mean New York, where you'll need "a mani-pedi, neatly arched brows, and a blowout. But even if you look like Gisele, he'll wait a week to call you." Or how about LA, whose mores require that you "bronze everything and sport some serious cleavage" as well as removing all the hair from your body in order to hook a guy who will "respond to text messages in the middle of a conversation." Not willing to do all that maintenance for a man who won't provide you with the lifestyle you deserve? Instead, head down to Mexico and hook up with a drug cartel. You'll get designer sunglasses, unlimited manicures, and a closet full of guns! Sure, you might go to jail at some point, but you can probably get a reduced sentence, because you're "armed and gorgeous." Drug lord? Try drug babe!