Some days, you feel like you can keep up with the Kardashians. Other times, like Saturday's Aces & Angels Celebrity Poker Party at the Playboy Mansion, you realize that not only is this impossible, but you'd never, ever want to.

Kim, in Starship Enterprise lbd, is the most demure in her family - by a wide margin.

I'd always understood that people liked bandage dresses because they kind of held you in. Beth Shack has taught me otherwise. And, yes, I do understand that the dress code for the Playboy Mansion is "take your shortest, tightest, lowest dress. Make it shorter, tighter, lower. Then an old man in pajamas will let you in."

Kris Jenner shows inventiveness: a gym towel is functional and decorative! (I kid! I kid! It's a stole!) By the way, am I the only one who's ever wondered if Kris was a really big Kinks fan? Yes? Okay, then.

I'm a defender of the romper, onesie, playsuit, what have you, which I feel has dissertation-worthy implications about the state of society and the economy. But. The low-crotch, diaper-style varietal, as modeled by Maria Menounos, is another matter altogether.

Colby O'Donis is apparently a Grammy-nominated songwriter. He is also accomplished in the art of sartorial douchebaggery. Indeed, I'd go so far as to say, not merely nominated, but award-winning.

Khloe Kardashian feels "drapery" and "skintight" are not mutually exclusive. As is her prerogative.

Kourtney Kardashian must be really hard to talk with in this dress. You'd have to do that thing some guys do where they look really, really intently into your eyes so as to avoid anything inappropriate.

[Images via Getty]