Reading this month's Allure will only make it harder to feel confident in a bikini, unless like Fergie, you're planning on standing in front of a hip-obscuring beam of light at all times.

From sleep to sunscreen application*, this month's Allure makes looking even halfway decent this summer seem insanely difficult. Though one article concludes that feeling attractive is the key to being attractive since, "what's finally sexier than a Rubens nude showing her cellulite with romping confidence?" the mag's 12-page feature on how to look sexy says, "sexy is a state of mind, yes. But it's just as much about the state of your hair and makeup." Readers are advised to model themselves after four sexy archetypes: "good girl," "rocker girl," "femme fatale," and "sex kitten" but to also borrow from each, lest you seem like a "caricature rather than an homage." At least the point of the cover story on Fergie is fairly straightforward. Along with yet another interview that explains she only gained a bit of weight to appear in the film Nine, she is pictured from several different angles with her now-toned belly coated in oil. Below, we break down the cover lies in the July issue of Allure.



* In case you're confused about how to rub sunscreen on your body, Allure provides this handy chart:

Shades of "How To Take A Shower"!