The oh-so-very-best comments of the day:

Best Comment Of The Day, in response to Like Father: "Poor Luke and Leia." You say: "I have a feeling this stems from our slutty, paternity-questioning cave days." And you answer: "..college?" • Best Comment Of The Day, in response to This Week In Tabloids: Angie & Kate's Birthday Tears: "Look, Angelina, my birthdays always end in tears. No, I'm not an impossibly beautiful celebrity with more money than God, but, yeah, tears. They happen. I bought the balloons, made a cake of Glenn Beck's tears dripping onto a map of America. I invited a few goats who live next door, and most of my coworkers (those who are not currently suffering from brain damage, at least). I rented a couple of unicorns from the local Piggly Wiggly to brighten up the joint and maybe shit some rainbows or something. I dressed in my favorite Grey Gardens attire, t-shirt wrapped around my ladyparts just so, cloth napkin providing the bubbies just enough closure. Perhaps I was presumptuous in hiring Bill O'Reilly to jump out of a cake wearing a '2009 Baby' sash, but I though my grandmother might like it. And, you know, no one showed up. The unicorns shit not rainbows, but actually poo. Bill O'Reilly just wanted to 'do it live' or some nonsense. My Glenn Beck Tear cake collapsed in on itself. My cloth napkin bra just disintegrated from old age and the tittays just sat out in the glaring sun for all of the elderly neighbors to behold. So, Angelina, can I call you Angie?, birthdays are horrible. Come and see me next year. We'll feast upon the fetid corpse of the dying newspaper industry and talk about your kids." We say: Mind if we join you guys?

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