With research showing those of us with a little junkinthetrunk may be at less risk for diabetes and high blood pressure, the Daily News thinks we need to go back to feeling shitty about ourselves.

Otherwise, how else to explain the array of "experts" they line up to remind you that you'll love the skinny version of you that is hiding under all those horrible curves? First up, is Jeff Halevy, "a personal trainer and certified fitness coach," who is obviously qualified to comment on a peer-reviewed scientific study.

Being an “apple” isn’t necessarily a health deterrent, he says, so long as there aren’t any extra pounds on board. Angelina Jolie, Tyra Banks, Catherine Zeta-Jones and Drew Barrymore all have classic apple shapes, he explains, but they’re thin so they cover it up.

The, um, bottom line is that you can’t control your basic shape — it’s in your DNA. “But you can still look amazing with the shape that God gave you, if you pay attention to basic diet and exercise,” Halevy says.

Yeah, see, if Angelina, Tyra, Catherine and Drew didn't exercise their butts off and diet, they'd all be fat cows just like you, but if you work really hard, you, too, can be thin like a celebrity... which is obviously everyone's end goal in life.

Next up is Dr. Stuart Fischer, described as the "author of The Park Avenue Diet and director of the Park Avenue Diet Center," so he obviously doesn't have any financial incentive to promote a thin-is-the-only-pretty culture at all!

“And whether you carry excess fat in your belly area or your hip area isn’t up to you. You can’t change your DNA but you can change your weight.”

And, finally, Dr. Eric Braverman, the "author of Younger (Thinner) You Diet" weighs in just in case you haven't learned that, despite scientific research that storing some fat on your bones and meager, feminine muscles is good for you, you still need to lose weight.

An apple-shaped woman carrying around extra pounds can be more likely to develop not just diabetes but high blood pressure, says Dr. Eric Braverman, author of “Younger (Thinner) You Diet.” “They can also suffer from anxiety, depression and fertility problems,” he says.

But pear-shaped women who have extra fat in the legs and the butts may bottom out in other ways. Osteoporosis, varicose veins, eating disorders, and low self-esteem are more common in women who carry extra weight in the lower body, Braverman says.

The good news? Both pears and apples can be turned into leaner shapes. “People do it all the time,” Braverman says. “In the end, the best shape to be is a celery stick.”

Big Butts Vs. Big Boobs: Diet Doc Says "Stick Shape" Is Best [New York Daily News]