John McCain's senior campaign adviser, Steve Schmidt (seen here with the cardboard cutout the GOP plans to use to fill McCain's position after his death or descent into full dementia) has decided that it's not enough to campaign against Barack Obama, he's got to campaign against The Media to win the election. Luckily Spencer Ackerman just came back from an actual war zone and I am all full of piss and vinegar so we attack back in defense of partisans, rags and the women who will be on them soon. We spank Bill Clinton just a little (but not so much that he'd like it), embrace WaPo columnist George Will, and then go after Jonah Goldberg, who thinks that the only racists in America are Democrats. (Sometimes, attacking conservatives is just too easy!)MEGAN: Good morning! I am struggling for something funny or interesting to say here, so let's just pretend I said something pithy, okay? SPENCER: God, show some effort, will you? Though you always have something pithy to say. You're pith filled. Talking to you is like screening Revenge Of The Pith. Unlike this asshole. MEGAN: I had the pith taken out of my by the last half of the bottle of red I drank last night. SPENCER:
"I'm from Arkansas. I understand why she's popular…. It's the job of our side not to attack who she is but to focus on differences in policy."
MEGAN: Well, now, see, I don't disagree with Clinton, but I'm not the fucking former President of the United States saying it either. SPENCER: Please no more sir. Enough of this. You're not wrong, substantively. But you really ought to come to terms with the fact that you are no longer in a position to hector the Democratic Party on strategy. Notice that the comment implicitly presumes the Democrats are attacking Palin's character, which is a key GOP meme right now. And you know what Bill Clinton was great at, throughout the 90s? Attacking his opponents' characters. MEGAN: Right, the full article makes mention of the fact that it's echoing Karl Rove's advice, which is not something I like to hear said about Bill Clinton. The great thing about Clinton used to be that he could do it without getting caught doing it. SPENCER: Yes, Bill Clinton never got caught doing anything. Anyway. MEGAN: Well, except that one thing that one time... SPENCER: Let's not waste any time: Steve Schmidt is shanking the New York Times! And Politico's Ben Smith! And soon Marc Ambinder! You're next, whore. MEGAN: Steve Schmidt can come and get me! I will be a partisan on the rag, which is way worse than "a partisan rag". SPENCER: Sridhar Pappu and I were tossing this around in our office: clearly this is a cynical move to rally troglodyte-cons who for some reason feel threatened by a fucking newspaper. Blah blah blah that's obvious. But when you're really the sort of politician those troglodyte-cons embrace and identify with, you don't need to sound the media-bias alarm. Like Bush never did. Palin never does. Dole and Bush Senior were the ones who whined about the press. It comes from a position of weakness, exposing itself like a twisted Foucaultian undercurrent. No? MEGAN: Well, Cheney did call a reporter an asshole on mike, I think that was probably better than screaming about media bias. I honestly think it makes them look really stupid, especially when they didn't do it when the Times was all intimating that he was boinking the lobbyist. Now they're biased? Please. Even George Will is attacking McCain right now. SPENCER: No no no, they absolutely did. Rick Davis put out a huge fundraising letter that represented the campaign's first opportunity in 2008 for McCain to make a serious pitch for troglodytecons. They've been laying the groundwork to get rid of the sense on the right that McCain has always been the media's candidate. If I'm not mistaken, they rejected the NYT's endorsement. My personal favorite part in Ben Smith's piece is this cameo from tittyboy Michael Goldfarb:
One McCain aide, Michael Goldfarb, said Politico was "quibbling with ridiculously small details when the basic things are completely right."
Hahahahahahaha! I remember when Goldfarb's still-employers at the Weekly Standard were harping on that line about CBS's Bush-National Guard fabrication-story being "fake but accurate." MEGAN: Well, they have criticisms! That the criticisms themselves are flat-out lies doesn't mean the spirit of the criticisms are wrong! SPENCER: Speaking of ample-bosomed gentlemen on the right, we should probably discuss the latest moment of incandescent grace from Jonah Goldberg MEGAN: I think Jonah Goldberg should stop buying up all the nice bras in my size. SPENCER: What bra-buying tips would you offer him? I'm serious. This is potentially lifechanging for the poor fellow. MEGAN: If he's looking for a supportive garment, he should make sure to get the appropriate strap size and avoid demi-cups and balconette bras. Otherwise, he'll look like his boobs are about to spill out everywhere, which is pretty much why I buy exclusively demi-cup bras. That, and the ability to fool my eyes about their size if there isn't enough material to cover all of my breasts. SPENCER: But do you think pieces like this — wherein observations of racist intimations become indicators of a deeper-seated racism — result from, say, poor back support? MEGAN: I think that, really, the poor back-support is less problematic than the weight pulling on the muscles on the front of his chest. Only that painful sensation you get from too much jiggling would cause Jonah Goldberg to completely exonerate any potential racists in the Republican party by pointing out that there are racists everywhere! Including in the Democratic party! Well, ho-kay, Jonah, you caught us. Racism is a problem in this country. Also, I think the earlier part of his article in which he says it isn't why people are not going to vote for Obama but then admits that it is, that's totally from feeling sad watching them droop. Gravity's a bitch. SPENCER: Just a few moments of Googling resulted in such beautiful moments in rightwingery as this:
You: a racist who is not planning to vote. Me: a guy who thinks this country will be worse off if Obama is elected This comment is for you! Perhaps you won't vote, but Oprah and her followers will. You might decide to sit out the election, but Sharpton and his followers won't.
Um, what? MEGAN: Yes, I am a huge follower of Al Sharpton. Well, there was that time at the DNC when I followed him to try to get a picture, but he was walking really fast so I gave up following him. SPENCER:
You might be too busy to vote for McCain, but 85-90% of blacks will vote for Obama. Get your lazy racist scum of the earth butt out there and vote for McCain. Why? Because it is best for America. Is McCain perfect? NO! Is Obama evil, or bad, or would he be a rotten President? Nope. Obama is a liberal. That's my agenda. I don't want some liberal partisan hack from the Chicago political machine to run this great country. Will he ruin it? Nah. It would take more than one man to ruin this country, but we will be worse off with him as Obama as President, in my opinion. So vote. Everybody who is not a racist hates you, and ignores you, so I am reaching out to you and asking you to vote for John McCain for President
How brave of this fellow! He clearly was too modest to accept such accolades, so he posted this anonymously. MEGAN: Bravo, good sir! Racists have voting rights too! Unless they've been to prison. SPENCER: Here's my favorite part:
To our liberal and Democrat friends and readers: Shut up. Don't even complain about this comment.
MEGAN: Oh, well, I feel pwned. SPENCER: Jonah, is that you? Don't make me hunt down any IP addresses!