Advertisements in magazines have many goals: They're supposed to raise brand awareness, maintain brand recognition, stop you from turning the page and pay attention to the message, and, ultimately, sell the damn product. But some ads are so stupid, inane, gross, weird or depressing, they're just bad. Hence: Badvertising! After the jump, some of the worst ads from issues of In Touch, Elle, Marie Claire, Glamour and Lucky.

Okay. The ad in and of itself is not so bad. The product is ridiculous. Why not just put vodka in your root beer, if that's what you want? And who drinks root beer except for kids, anyway? Are you marketing booze to kids? Also, seeing the words "root beer" and "vodka" and "olives" so close to each other makes me want to hurl.

What a vivid nightmare. The gum is so fruity, if you are a Carmen Miranda-ish Carmen Electra-ish woman who puts fruit on her head, you can put the gum there, too! But a bird may land on your face to try and get some gum, so if you don't keep completely still, your face may get ripped off. Enjoy!

What if you don't want to dress like an androgynous robot whose hair defies gravity? Don't buy Calvin Klein!

What if you don't want to feel sad as the time your dog had to be put to sleep because she was getting old and couldn't really walk and you found out it was cancer in her bones? Don't buy Jil Sander!

Maybe I don't "get" Marc Jacobs. But a tattooed dude lying in the dirt doesn't make me want to buy this dress. Or that admittedly cute purse.

I mean, if the dress fits him like that, how the hell would my boobs get in it? To me, this is not "cool." This is "trying too hard to be different."

People are so sweet. They clearly donated new boots and a new bag to this cold, homeless street urchin. Earlier: Big Hair Is Sexy, Cigarettes Whiten Teeth, Not Having Cellulite Is Awesome