The jig is up. I'm getting hitched. I've been involved in a roller coaster whirlwind romance this summer, and after dating for a very brief time, I've decided to hang out with this guy until I die. (My "Pot Psychology" partner Rich said to me, "Who are you? Mariah Carey?") And that actually made this whole thing seem even more appealing. But really, while it did happen very, very quickly (some of my friends didn't even know I was seeing anybody), I'm pretty confident in this decision. After all, I haven't really left that many stones unturned, and almost immediately after meeting him, I knew this was it. So I'm officially retiring the old bedpost. That shit's been whittled down to like a toothpick anyway. It recently occurred to me that I might be one of the only girls whose reputation is ruined by committing to one guy for the rest of my life.I had dinner with my future mother-in-law this weekend, and she asked my what I do for a living and stuff. I explained to her that I write for a women's interest website and then she said, "Will I be able to figure out what you've written when I go to the site? Is your byline on your stuff?" After getting over some temporary mortification at the idea of this woman reading some of the shit I've said here, I realized that it's about time that I retired this moniker, too. It's actually become increasingly embarrassing that I've been known as "Slut Machine" for this long. Not because of the name itself, but if I had known that it would follow me in my career, I would've given it more thought when I came up with it. In fact, I sort of just made it up off the cuff when I was commenting for the first time on my own site. The idea was to call myself something cheesy like "Sex Machine," but I thought that didn't sound feminine enough, so I swapped out "Sex" for "Slut." I didn't even realize that it sounded like "slot machine" until an embarrassing amount of time later. I've never really been ashamed of anything I've done in my past, because it's all helped form me into the person I am today. But that part of my life is over now, and it seems silly to go on as a professional slut, so I'm just gonna go by Tracie from now on. And I actually might be changing my last name, too, which is something I never ever thought I'd do. But my fiancé's last name is really cool: Morrissey. And I kinda like the sound of "Ms. Moz."