Remember when female suicide bombers seemed totally exotic? Well, there is one glass ceiling the Better Half of The Iraq has spent the past year detonating. Monday's bombing in Kirkuk, wherein four Sunni lady bombers sacrificed themselves to kill 57 and wound another 280 of their fellow first and second-class citizens, brings the year's tally of female suicide bombers to 24. Which means now is as good a time as any to reflect on some of the built-in advantages the ladies have over the dudes in this particular vocation. There is the obvious: that men aren't supposed to touch women or really even look at them, and that those robes can hide a multitude of C4. But the overlooked advantage is that the female bombers do not even need to summon the courage male martyrs do, because a lot of them "need" to die anyway, like if they have committed adultery or been raped. And that is where Al Qaeda has really gotten clever with its recruitment strategy: now the organization is are getting its male members to marry women, then allow other males to rape said women, which in turn "would leave her with no choice but to end her life."

So it's like with injured horses and Jell-O! Anyway, I know suicide bombers don't write notes, maybe because a good carnage photo speaks a thousand words as they say, but here is what I imagine one of them might have written:

Dear Allah,
Go to Hell.
If you existed I would ask to be reincarnated as the lesbian test tube spawn of Ayaan Hirsi Ali and Pamela Geller.

Or maybe:

Dear Allah,
And maybe bring back Lynndie England to guard my husband's cell.


Dear Allah,
I just don't see why the Sunnis and the Shiites can't come together to celebrate all the beliefs they share, such as the one about how women who have sex before marriage need to be killed. Come to think of it, a lot of religions commit "honor killings," right? How come no one ever stops and thinks about how much we all have in common?

Dear Allah,
Because then people would stop killing each other so much and spend all their time fucking. I get it.

Dear Allah,
If you pack our torsos with explosives, do we not bleed?
Rhetorical question.

Love, Blackmail and Rape: How Al Qaeda Grooms Women As "Perfect Weapons" [Times]
Muslim Extremist Women Fight For Right To Join Al Qaeda [CBS 13]
Why Women Become Suicide Bombers [Newsweek]

Photo via Photobucket