One of the primary challenges of modern existence is that of crafting the Facebook profile. How to make clear, in a few well-chosen words, that you don't really care about this, but, incidentally, are incredibly awesome and have impeccable taste with a flippant but mordant sense of humor? How much to write? How little? How ironic to be? Nothing, however, is so loaded as the choice of picture. The picture, after all, is visible even to those whom you don't know - the casual surfer, the middle school crush, the ex-girlfriend. You also don't want too many pics of yourself, lest you be branded an insecure narcissist.

I am a Facebook schizophrenic. I am so wildly unphotogenic that every time someone takes a picture of me I post it wildly in the hopes I will look less scary. This is never, ever the case. I am sure I have pictures up there that could make even the most jealous old or new girlfriend feel complacent. When I started isolating the different categories of picture, I was going to search for different people online and block their faces when I realized, hey! I've had almost every single one of these up in my unsuccessful quest to not look awful! The only varietals I don't have are: Slutty, Glamour Shot, World Traveler. So, after a lifetime of trying to avoid people see my pictures, let's throw caution to the wind for the sake of journalism! Captioned gallery of shame, below