John McCain appeared on Ellen today, where he must've realized that he would be facing questions about his stance on legalizing gay marriage posed by an actual gay person that America adores. Ellen, who plans to get married to her girlfriend Portia de Rossi this summer, was firm without being too — oh, hell, I'll just say it — Rosie O'Donnell-ish. McCain, of course, was not persuaded by her points, but he wished her "every happiness." Hahaha, hapPENIS. Clip above.