50 Shades of Grey Just Washed Up on America’s Shores Like a Shark Attack Victim

Illustration for article titled em50 Shades of Grey/em Just Washed Up on America’s Shores Like a Shark Attack Victim

E.L. James, British author of the dirty, dirty sadomasochistic sex book you wouldn't read aloud to your grandparents 50 Shades of Grey, embarked on her U.S. book tour today in Miami, the unofficial literary capital of North America. How exciting! If you don't already know all about James' erotic novel, pretty much all you need to know at this point is that it's poised to become an even bigger cultural phenomenon than it already is, with James getting a seven-figure contract for more sexytime books with Vintage and Universal producing a 50 Shades adaptation as we speak. It's now only a matter of time before a deal for the 50 Shades adults-only amusement park is announced, and rumor (my rumor) has it that Busch Gardens may be creating a whole sex safari filled with really amorous animal couples.

‘50 Shades of Grey' author embarks on US Tour [AP]

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My goal is now to write the next great trashy romance novel. The trick is just to find the next taboo sex act that Midwestern soccer moms want to read about. Perhaps orgies.