5 Rules Of The New Chivalry

Illustration for article titled 5 Rules Of The New Chivalry

This morning on Today, "experts" weighed in on the hot button issue of chivalry, and whether the concept is dead, outdated, or just plain unfeminist. We don't think that chivalry is dead, and we don't think that women on the receiving end of it are less feminist, but we do think some of the rules of etiquette need to be revamped to reflect the shifts in gender roles. The misconception is that, deep down, all women want a bad boy. Untrue: We just don't want someone who kisses our asses or behaves like a doormat. But that doesn't mean that manners should be thrown out the window. We know it seems like we want it both ways: equality and courtesy. But why must the two be mutually exclusive? Besides, shouldn't there be a few trade offs, or benefits, for the crap we have to put up with as women? We've come up with an updated list of rules of the new chivalry for the modern man…and woman.1.) Give her your seat. Not because she's a woman, but because her shoes hurt more than yours. Like really a lot more. 2.) Get in the cab first. This is something that men just don't get. They try to be polite and open the cab door for a woman to get in, and then the woman has to slide over-usually in a skirt-holding her bag, and it's all awkward and shit, and she kinda slides off the seat of her coat and then the back of her coat is like shifted and kinda next to her, and then there's all his readjusting that needs to happen. Just get in the cab first, ferchristsakes. 3.) Pick up the check. We'll pretend to offer and you'll pretend the offer was real. We honestly don't mind putting our pride to the side when it comes to this. 4.) Wipe the cum off her first before you wipe it off yourself. There's seriously nothing ruder than blowing a big wad all over a girl and then cleaning off your dick first before you go get her a towel or some tissues. Extra points for not getting any cum in her hair. 5.) Offer to do everything for her when her nails are wet. It sucks when a woman pays good money to get a manicure and then she has to get something out of her purse when her nails are still tacky. Help her out by lighting her cigarette, opening her can of soda, or wiping after she pees. Related: Is Chivalry Dead? [NBC News]


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#1? I'm sorry, the only time one would need to give you their seat on a subway is rush hour. If you are on the subway at rush hour, you are probably going to work. If you are commuting in uncomfortable shoes, you deserve to be standing in those them. Put your heels in your bag or *A* bag and change them at the office. Flats on the commute, ladies. You owe it to your tootsies.

And before you say I'm being judgmental, YES, I myself have commuted in impractical shoes. I accept responsibility for my decision to be uncomfortable from Washington Heights to the Battery.