5 Mistakes That "Sexperts" Make When Giving Advice

Illustration for article titled 5 Mistakes That "Sexperts" Make When Giving Advice

We know that the only expectation we can count on Fox News to meet is one of disappointment — if not utter, hair-pulling frustration — but its reliable inanity doesn't mean that its immune to critique, particularly when doling out "fair and balanced" sex advice. Today, "sexpert" (if words could be killed off, that would be the first on our hit list) Yvonne K. Fulbright enumerated the "10 Sex Mistakes That Women Make." While Fulbright did provide two tips that we can get on-board with — "the occasional potty mouth can be a passion-inducer" and "don't use sex manipulatively" — the rest is really off the mark. So after the jump, we've compiled the 5 Mistakes That Sexperts Make When Giving Advice!


1. Photographic Representation

Why is it that sexperts are always photographed coyly chewing on the stem of their glasses and showing cleavage? Real writers need their glasses on at all times, and usually type without even wearing a bra. (Or at least, that's been my experience in life.)

2. Employing the term "hot mama."

Telling mothers to not neglect their sexual sides and referring to them as "hot mamas" is the "literary" equivalent of scraping one's nails across a blackboard.

3. Sending Mixed Messages About Body Image

In her 10 Mistakes, Fulbright tells women to embrace their bodies, saying, "Walk around naked. Have sex with the lights on." And that's fine, but within the same article she says, "Strive to stay trim and look your best."

4. Advising Women To Act "Feminine" By Pretending That They Aren't Human

Fulbright says, "Between major weight gain, bodily functions, and divulging daily care habits, a lot of women fail to remain branded in their men's brains as sexy. While self-care and what we do in the loo is nothing to be ashamed of, keep it in the bathroom. Don't talk about shaving, your period, your last bowel movement, etc."

5. Neglecting To Give Women The Most Crucial Piece Of Sex Advice

Nowhere in her 10 Mistakes does Fulbright recommend that every woman own a vibrator. Nor does she say that women should discover their bodies and learn what they like and dislike. Lastly, she completely fails to mention that the biggest mistake a woman can make in bed is ignoring her own desires.

FOXSexpert: 10 Sex Mistakes Women Make [Fox News]


A Small Turnip

@RyanB: Nah, fingertip fiend here, too. I've tried a couple of different vibrators, but haven't been terribly enthused with the results. Standard transmission works brilliantly for me. I don't want no stinkin' automatic! The Big O just isn't anywhere near as good with battery-operated assistance for me.

That said, I think it's probably worth giving at least one plastic friend a whirl, just to see if you're missing out on something. Because every body is different, and you never know. You might love it.