5 Hideous Things Urban Outfitters Wants You To Wear This Summer

Here in the Northern Hemisphere, the weather is warming up and the new Urban Outfitters catalog has arrived, chock-full of gruesome garments for the self-loathing hipster in you.

Tired of having to “fake” the mutant-moth look? Don’t spend another late night laboring over a T-shirt with a pair of scissors. Just get the “Evil genius destroyed tee,” a steal at $42. Is it a commentary on this threadbare life we lead in an era of downsized companies, economic hardship and corporate bailouts? No. It’s not.

Quit trying to make harem pants happen! Look, you may think you look like the heir to a Swiss chocolate fortune who’s going dancing in Ibiza or needs a cover-up over your bikini when driving your moped from one side of Mallorca to the other when you wear these. But actually, you look like you’ve shit yourself and need to change your diaper. Trust.

Have there ever been two more terrifying words than “watercolor leggings” ? Eyesores! And the “hooking-my-way-through-Ancient-Rome” shoes only make it worse.

We’d heard rumblings that Emperor Palpatine‘s granddaughter was starting her own clothing line. But we had no idea how uninspired it would be. And what’s with all the weird hoods lately, anyway?

Separately, a lace body suit, a floral skirt and floral leggings are not, in and of themselves, necessarily terrible. But styled like this, we get flashbacks to Grandmama’s plastic-covered couch, complete with doily, and not in a good way. A glass chicken with hard peppermint candy inside and a 1965 issue of Life magazine are all this outfit is missing.

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Also: 5 Hideous Things Urban Outfitters Wanted You To Wear Last Summer