Sofia Vergara Is Engaged and the Mayan Gods Are Pleased

Illustration for article titled Sofia Vergara Is Engaged and the Mayan Gods Are Pleased

After serious journalistic reports came in that Sofia Vergara was wearing a "sparkly ring," we sat up all night, vigilant, waiting to see if she had indeed been proposed to on her Mexican vacation with boyfriend Nick Loeb. (Remember that scene in Secretary when she's sitting at the desk in her wedding gown for days because James Spader told her to and she pees on herself? It was like that.) And it turns out that yes, he got on one knee in front of some Mayan pyramids in Yucatán and asked her to marry him, and Diet Pepsi was had by all. Fortunately, this occurred on her 40th birthday, right down to the wire, mere hours before she (as all single women do on the eve of their 40th birthday) would have immediately shriveled into crone-hood at the stroke of midnight. Phew!

Also, the whole cast of Modern Family was there to see it, and here is an adorable picture of co-star Jesse Tyler "jumping for Sofia!" Let this serve as a reminder to us all that Instagram can be used for the power of good, not just the power of taking pictures of the bourgeois pasta we're about to eat. [Page Six, Instagram]

Illustration for article titled Sofia Vergara Is Engaged and the Mayan Gods Are Pleased

To everything there is a season and this is clearly not Rielle "I love living in love" Hunter's summer. In fact, we might actually be getting a respite from hearing about John Edwards' vigorous extra-marital deep-dicking due to slow sales of Hunter's confessional What Really Happened (spoiler alert: peen really happened) and the resulting cancellation of her book tour. Her rep says that the tour has not been "cancelled" per se, and that Hunter has "completed her scheduled media requests" and is "still considering requests." Consider this request: Noooooooooooes. [Radar Online]

Illustration for article titled Sofia Vergara Is Engaged and the Mayan Gods Are Pleased

Tom Cruise, telekinetic Operating Thetan and human god, is not having a thing with his Oblivion co-star Olga Kurylenko, says Cruise, using his magic highest-caste-of-alien-power to meld your mind INTO BELIEVING IT. And you DO, DON'T YOU? No but actually his magic power is a sassy rep who said verbatim: "She is dating Danny Huston. You are so going down the wrong path." [Entertainmentwise]

Evan Rachel Wood got her nose pierced in Venice Beach and took a video of it (in black and white, inexplicably), in order to remind everyone she is That Interestingly Troubled 13-Year-Old Girl Who Lives Down The Street From You. [Daily Mail]


  • Tara Reid has a boyfriend, wears bikinis. [Daily Mail]
  • Kristen Wiig told Marie Claire that she is "the happiest she's ever been" with Hipster Muppet Fabrizio Moretti of the Strokes. [NYDN]
  • Chris Brown's court-ordered community service is being audited because he might be shirking it, shocking everyone approximately 0%. [Washington Post]
  • Gwyneth Paltrow will spray some of her magic GOOP all over the annual Hollywood Stand Up To Cancer telethon. [Washington Post]
  • Chay Tates is gonna play Evel Knievel. Everybody say UNNNN, NA NA NA NA. [THR]
  • Miley Cyrus got another tattoo, this time a quote from former President Theodore Roosevelt. It reads UNNNN, NA NA NA NA "So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who knew neither victory nor defeat." [Female FIrst]
  • Kirsten Dunst is in the market for a family man. [Monsters And Critics]
  • 66-year-old David Lynch and his wife are having a baby. [USA Today]
  • Rihanna will perform at Brangelina's celebrity Olympic Games fundraiser party. [CapitalFM]
  • David Cassidy lost his house but my mom thinks he's sexy, so that's basically breaking even. [Express]
  • Madonna helped some Muggles get engaged at her concert. [Express]
  • Natalie Imbruglia's promoting a new, notoriously-intense Hollywood fad workout called Barry's Boot Camp. I hope her ligaments don't end up... "Torn." LOLOLOL BAM, YOU ARE WELCOME. [Female First]
  • Melanie Griffith stepped out sans wedding ring. [Radar Online]
  • A man who is sharp as a tack and some kind of lawyer or something (actually, a professor of law) has written an extensive legal review of the lyrics of Jay-Z's "99 Problems," available here in .pdf. [The Grio]
  • Some Australian magazine has printed photos of Prince William and Kate Middleton's honeymoon without their consent. [The Daily Beast]
  • Roseanne Barr just Tweeted this picture of herself with the caption "fat old jew." [Twitter]
  • Kanye West and Nicki Minaj are gonna be on The Cleveland Show. [The Grio]
  • Bob Marley got a coral reef species named after him! Meet Gnathia marleyi. [USA Today]

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This Dirt Bag had me spewing fluids from my mouth and nose. New phrase of the day: UNNNN, NA NA NA NA