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Hey, It's That Frigtard You Blew Back In College! What's He Doing Here??

Illustration for article titled Hey, Its That Frigtard You Blew Back In College! Whats emHe/em Doing Here??

Imagine this scenario for a sec: You are a circuit court judge. In Miami, so you've known more than your share of courtroom antics, absurdity, arms dealers, Castro conspiracy theorists, total tools, etc. But this week is gonna be okay, because all you've got is the appeal of the appeal of the appeal of some pesky used-car type suing his insurance company, the type of case you could hear in your sleep. When. In walks in the plaintiff. "Nice to see you again, Judge," the guy says, clear-ly and LOUD-ly so the court reporter takes note of it. And OH MY GOD IT'S ASSHAT YOU BLEW BACK IN COLLEGE. When you were at that frat party...and you'd just discovered wine coolers — 23 years ago! ...and OMG you were so drunk...and then he screamed! And you kinda sobered up, and he gave you that dumb grin, and he tried to call later on and you blew him off...and now he's going to EXACT REVENGE. Hey, by the way: this is not a David E. Kelley show! This is a real life court document, after the jump!

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Bless you, Above The Law:

Illustration for article titled Hey, Its That Frigtard You Blew Back In College! Whats emHe/em Doing Here??
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Anyway, suffice it to say it reminds me of this one time a work acquaintance gave me a few vicodin and then...took me home and proceeded to wield an electric razor, and... just as the OMG most ghastly ever itching had finally died down, I saw him at a trade show. "Did your pubic hair grow back?" he asked loudly, and smiled.

Oh well. I wanted a shot of bourbon right about then, anyway.

Best Motion To Recuse Ever [Above The Law]

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DISCUSSION

Though quite funny, this would never make it into a real court document. I used to have a roomate who was a total skank at UT, and she is now a judge in Houston. My guess is that she would recuse if she knew the defendant or the plantiff in any way.