As we mentioned in this morning's Dirt Bag, Prince is now a Jehovah's Witness who proselytizes door to door in L.A. But did you know he's also sort of homophobic now? According to a short profile by Claire Hoffman in this week's New Yorker*, Prince says, "God came to earth and saw people sticking it wherever and doing it with whatever, and he just cleared it all out. He was, like, ‘Enough.’"Really?! The same man who once wrote the lyrics, "Pussy got bank in her pockets/ Before she got dick in her drawers," is being all judgey about other people's sexuality now? The same man who inspired Tipper Gore's Senatorial pearl clutching? Maybe his Christian spirit was there all along and we were just blind to it. We decided to go through Prince's old lyrics to see if we could figure out his progression from proud sexual panther to proselytizing Puritan. Take a trip in our little red Corvette of analysis below: "Head", from Dirty Mind (1980) Lyrics: "And you said/ But I just a virgin and I'm on my way to be wed/But you're such a hunk/So full of spunk, I'll give you head/'Til you're burning up Evangelical Evidence: I'll give you head, until you're burning up…IN HELL. "Little Red Corvette", from 1999 (1983) Lyrics: "Believe it or not I started to worry/I wondered if I had enough class/But it was Saturday night/I guess that makes it alright." Evangelical Evidence: But come Sunday morning, you will have to atone for your sins. Also you're probably going to hell for what you did in that Corvette. Why do you think it's red? The devil is driving it. "Purple Rain" from Purple Rain (1984) Lyrics: "I think u better close it and let me guide u 2 the purple rain." Evangelical Evidence: This one's easy. Prince was Baptized in the purple rain, and he wants us to follow him into that fabulous purple downpour. "Gett Off" from Diamonds and Pearls (1991) Lyrics: "Let a woman be a woman and a man be a man." Evangelical Evidence: obviously Prince has been into stringent gender roles for at least 17 years. No pregnant men or other kinds of gender bending for this cat suit devotee in four inch heels!!! "Lolita", 3121 (2006) Lyrics: "If you were mine we'd bump bump bump." Evangelical Evidence: Well it's not like he's lusting after another dude. It's just an underage girl! That's very Christian of him. "Untitled" 21 Nights (2008) Lyrics: "Who eye really am only time will tell/ 2 the almighty life 4ce that grows stronger with every chorus/ Yes give praise, lest ye b among . . . the guilty ones.” Evangelical Evidence: this one is pretty self-explanatory. Though using numbers in the place of letters makes the baby Jesus cry.
*According to Perez Hilton, Prince was "misquoted." Somehow, we believe the New Yorker's fact checking team over a "Prince insider" anonymously emailing Mario Lavandeira, but we just wanted you to be fully informed.