Like An Artificial Virgin

Illustration for article titled Like An Artificial Virgin

Want to relive your first time? Well now you can, thanks to this disgusting contraption known as the "Artificial Virginity Hymen," which allows women to relive the awkward experience all over again. It gets worse:

A reader tipped us off to the "Artificial Virginity Hymen", which the company, Gigimo, claims "will expand a little and make you feel tight." The hymen also includes a packet that is activated during sex, which will "ooze out a liquid that look like blood not too much but just the right amount." As if that wasn't horrifying enough, the company claims, "Add in a few moans and groans, you will pass through undetectable."

Is this what we've come to? That women have to order a fake virginal hymen over the internet, to "pass through undetectable" to men who only want to sleep with virgins? In checking the site I noticed that there wasn't any "Artificial Virginity Penis" for sale. Perhaps that's because the company figures that reliving those awesome 2 seconds of a first time wouldn't be as good for men, eh? Why heavens, no! The male section of the site, of course, offers male enhancement products created to give men stamina and size. Though any man who would ask you to use an "Artificial Virginity Hymen" probably doesn't need such items, as he's most likely a giant dick already.

Artificial Virginity Hymen [Gigimo]

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Altgoth Schweppes

oh oh oh!! I want one.

Can you imagine how many one night stands you could HORRIFY with that thing?

I mean, yes, all the connotations of why this exists is awful and degrading and really bad, but—-

it has comedic potential.