True Blood: The Church Showdown & The Perma-Virgin

Illustration for article titled True Blood: The Church Showdown & The Perma-Virgin

Thank Nosferatu! After a few episodes which dragged and stalled, in last night's True Blood, a hell of a lot of stuff actually happened.

For instance:

  • Sam was anonymously called to Merlotte's only to find Daphne's dead body in the freezer. And yes, Daphne's heart was missing. Just like Miss Jeanette's was, earlier.
  • Guess who sliced up a heart and served it to Tara and Eggs for dinner as a "hunter's souflée"? Maryann.
  • Andy Bellefleur told the truth and no one believed him. Wait, that always happens.
  • Jason and Sookie reunited.
  • Definite sensuality between Eric and Godric. Seriously, when Eric dropped to his knees in front of Godric early in the episode, I was basically done. That's all I ever needed. Well maybe some nuzzling would have been nice, like if Eric had ever so gently laid his head on Godric's stomach and Godric had stroked Eric's cheek and, um, AHEM. Moving on.
  • Definitely "something" between Eric and Sookie.
  • Lorena got schooled. Twice.
  • There was a giant showcase showdown at the church, involving everyone who's anyone. Props to Jason Stackhouse for shooting Reverend Newlin in the head (with a paintball gun), and for saying: "I've already been to heaven… I was inside your wife."

In the clip above, Godric stops what would have been a blood bath at the church showdown. I like when he says, "I'm actually older than your Jesus" all humble and calm.

The other major development involved Jessica the teen vamp attempting to lose her virginity and realizing, to her dismay, that because of her super-fast vampire healing ability, her hymen grew back after Hoyt broke it. Talk about teen angst!

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Eric Northman is mine

Pro- JASON (wow, I never thought I’d say that) - Defending his sister and these gems"

I reckon I've already been to heaven, and it was inside your wife"….oh snap!

"White suit motherf*cker"

Jason trying to get into the church- "Dude, Honesty" followed by ring bump

Sarah to Jason- "You’re like Judas". Jason- "Who’s he?"

Pro- That nerdy ridiculous accent Eric uses when he tries to fool the guards.

Con- The Boy is Mine version Sookie versus Lorena. Really the two of you are going to going to embarrass yourselves and make a scene at a party over Bill. Bill Compton!!!! Yeah okay

Con- You know what, Bill might as well just pee on Sookie because his territorial bullshit is just annoying and not all.

CON- WTF is up with Sookie? When she and Eric get trapped in the sanctuary and the LODI folks are swarming in she yells ‘let us go’. Was she expecting Steve to say sure okay and hold the door open for her to walk out? That and her yelling ‘don’t kill him, stop’ in other scenes- umm, someone must have an overflated ego if you think two groups that are ready to go to war are going to stop just because you say so. Seriously, STFU.

Pro-Godric’s accent

Con-Depressed, mopey Godric mumbling orders

Con- Tara and Eggs devouring that heart and blood soufflé… yuck

Con- I’m so over Maryann. WTF, this is the most repetitive story line ever