"The Democrats are really after us," whined the owner of a tanning salon, in response to Obama's proposed tax on the cancer-causing beds. "There wouldn't be any life on the planet if it wasn't for sunlight," pointed out another. [NYPost]
So, OK, like right now, for example, Americans need to get tan. But some people are all, "What about the strain on our resources from all the people getting cancer?" But it's like when I had this garden party for my father's birthday, right? I said "WEAR WHITE" because it was a White Party, like P. Diddy's party. But people came that, like, did not wear white because they were too pale and it totally washed them out. So I was, like, totally buggin'. I had to haul ass to the rec room, fire up the tanning beds; but by the end of the day it was, like, awesome, a tanning party! And so, if the government could stop taxing our tanning habits, realize that tanning makes people sexy, and cough up a few dollars so that everyone can afford to have their own tanning bed, we could certainly have successful White Parties every weekend. And in conclusion, may I please remind you that it does not say "Bring me everyone but not your pale" on the Statue of Liberty? Thank you very much.