Masturbating While Driving Is Disturbingly Popular

Illustration for article titled Masturbating While Driving Is Disturbingly Popular

Many of us have been guilty of texting, talking, eating, or even personal grooming at the wheel. But for young dudes, there's another shockingly prevalent source of driving distraction: masturbation.


Human males not only masturbate more than other apes, they're also the only animals capable of jacking it while driving. And they apparently take full advantage of this ability. (With or without the sunroof open.) When scientists watched male drivers under 30 (it's not entirely clear how they made their age determinations, or whether they were better at it than bartenders) at two intersections — one in New York and one in Florida — they found that 11% of the guys "had one hand on their crotches and moving them." Now I'm sure that some of these guys were just adjusting, but if I'm reading the study press release right, it's not just that over a tenth of dudes have masturbated behind the wheel at some point in their lives. Rather, a full 11% of the young male drivers who arrived at the intersections in question were doing something that looked a lot like whacking. Which, by my extremely scientific extrapolation, means way more dudes (and ladies too?) have done this deed while driving and not been caught by eagle-eyed scientists. Do tell, fellows.

Image via Evstigneev Alexander/

Related: Remember To Close Your Sunroof When Masturbating [Jalopnik]

Major Accident Cause: 11% Of Male Drivers Under 30 Distracted By Fondling Themselves While Driving [Yahoo! News via The Sexist]
One Reason Why Humans Are Special And Unique: We Masturbate. A Lot. [Scientific American]



Automobile masturbation was the reason why my whole fifth grade class got a "confidential letter" to send give to our parents a few days after our school bus trip to the Museum of Science and Industry in Chicago.

Well, that's not entirely true. The root cause (heh) was an entire school bus full of fifth graders, assiduously flipping the bird to anything and everything on the road.

The effect was retaliation via angry masturbation, from a middle-aged guy in a convertible.