New Zealand Church Billboard Features A Panicked Virgin Mary With Pregnancy Test In Hand

Illustration for article titled New Zealand Church Billboard Features A Panicked Virgin Mary With Pregnancy Test In Hand

If you happen to be a resident of Auckland, New Zealand, you might have already seen this billboard on your local street corner. But for the rest of us who have never laid our eyes on this wondrous spectacle, I think I speak for us all when I say whaaaaa?


Yes, that absolutely is the Virgin Mary with a terrified look on her face, holding a pregnancy test in her hands. I'm sorry, what? I went to church like a good little child for years, and not only did I learn about immaculate conception, but I know enough about Biblical times to realize the technology just didn't exist yet. So what's the point? Father Glynn Cardy, vicar at Matthews church explained the thought process as such:

"The purpose of the billboard, as with any billboard, is to not tell people what to think, but to get them to engage with the real meaning and real ideas behind Christmas. The ultimate aim is to stimulate thought and discussion about meaning, and, in this case, about Jesus' birth."

Well, I certainly agree that it will cause some sort of discussion, but whether or not it's the right discussion is yet to be determined. Especially because the general consensus among locals seems to be that it's "funny" — and we agree.

[Stuff via Buzzfeed]


Ari Schwartz: Dark Lord of the Snark

Jesus Issues Statement: "Stop Worrying about the "Meaning" of Christmas, Worry More About your Families and Friends"

HEAVENS, Dec. 15, 2011 /ANONewswire/ — Jesus, a leading figure in world religion today, has broken millennia of media silence to state, "Seriously guys, stop arguing over what a day that wasn't even my day of birth 'is about.' It's silly." The Lord and Savior, Son of God, further states, "The true purpose of all of my teachings was to teach you to improve yourself, love others, be generous, focus on building a better world, and how to truly understand the teachings of The Lord God. Arguing over the point of my birth is really really really missing the point. Like, ZOOOOOOOOOM over your head, okay?"

God, Father of All Creation, was not available for statement, but his close associate Moses stated, "God has tried to give people the tools to find the way, but doesn't see any reason to do the work for them. He figures people have to figure this all out on their own. If He were to grade humanity right now, it would maybe get a D+. You're really missing the mark in most cases, what with all that genociding and pillaging you're doing all the time? Cut that out."

A source familiar with the matter commented, stating, "God may not like it when you folks do stupid shit, but down here we rather enjoy it. The more you mistreat others, the more company we get. I may have fallen from grace, but I'm not stupid. I know how to keep membership high in this club!"

Many religious leaders responded to these statements with incredulousness, arguing that there is no way that Jesus or God knows better, as they are the experts on Jesus and God.